Kourtney Kardashian

Ellen Pearson has four basic words for Kourtney, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian:

Shut the eff up!

In early April, Kris Jenner's offspring filed a lawsuit against their ex-stepmother, charging that she illegally profited from a diary their late father left to them in their will.

In an official response obtained by TMZ, however, Pearson does not deny that she sold pages of Robert Kardashian's diary to In Touch Weekly.

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Michael Girgenti refuses to give up.

The model - who has been making tabloid headlines since first alleging that he's the true father of Mason Dash Disick in 2009 - has resurfaced and is featured in the latest issue of Star.

And he's not gonna take it very much longer!

Girgenti has supposedly penned a heartfelt letter to Kourtney Kardashian in which he begs her to get a DNA test.

“This is Kourtney’s last chance," Girgenti tells the tabloid. "My next step will be to take her to court and sue her for a paternity test.”

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The Jenners and the Kardashians jetted to Greece last week, where they rented a $200,000-per-week yacht, held babies, wore bikinis... and, of course, posted numerous photos from the vacation on Instagram.

Look, there's Kourtney Kardashian taking a self-portrait!

And Brody Jenner trying to seduce the camera!

We'd be irritated at the family for shoving such a vacation in our face, but look at the bright side: Now we don't need to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 8!

All new episodes are summed up in these photos:

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Kourtney Kardashian turns 34 years old today, but reality television's First Family celebrated the occasion last night with an evening of bowling in Los Angeles.

And of course the occasion was shared via Instagram, as we see rare shots below of Kim Kardashian and company dressed in duds meant to result in spares, not stares:

"Happy birthday to my big sister and mentor," Kim Tweeted along with these photos. "I love you so much!"

Scott Disick and children Mason, 3, and Penelope, 8 months, don't appear to have taken part in the gathering. But perhaps that was Scott's present to his baby mama:

A night away from the children. And from him as well.

The least annoying of all Kardashian sisters is now 34 years old!

Kourtney Kardashian - who has never ran The X Factor into the ground, who possesses some modicum of a personality and who is too busy raising her children to shill for every conceivable product via Facebook - celebrates a birthday.

Go right ahead and send in your very best wishes to the reality star if you wish.

Kourtney, of course, just got finished taking Miami with Kim Kardashian and will irritate the heck out of us on Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 8.

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Ellen Pearson and In Touch Weekly are undaunted by the Kardashians.

Even with Kourtney, Khloe and Kim filing a lawsuit against their ex step-mother for leaking diary entries written years ago by their father, the tabloid has come out with a special issue dedicated solely to these excerpts.

Teasing the "complete Kardashian diaries" as telling a story of "greed, lies and betrayal," the collector's item reveals heretofore never seen documents written by Robert Kardashian when his children were young.

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Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian took over Chelsea Lately last night, welcoming guest Russell Brand and responding to his unusual request:

Let's have "a KKK threesome!"

That's how the raunchy actor put it, at least, to which Khloe gamely (and grossly!) replied: "I heard pregnant p-ssy is the best p-ssy."

Ray J might disagree with that assessment. After all, he hit it first and we're sure he would say he hit it best.

Watch the exchange between these four continue to grow more lewd and sexual by the moment, as Khloe displays some personality and Kim finds it impossible to deviate from the script:

Russell Brand Talks Threesome with Khloe, Kim and Kourtney

Thank. Goodness.

Because the world does not get enough of the Kardashian family, especially on E!, the network will air a special tell-all event based around these reality stars on Sunday, April 21 at 9 p.m.

Hosted by Ryan Seacrest, the program is being hyped as a "no-holds barred" conversation with Kim, Khloe and kompany, as the members will discuss various controversial moments and stories from the past year.

Serving as a way to promote Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 8, as well as What Would Ryan Lochte Do? (which premieres immediately afterward), we'd imagine the special will cover:

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The Kourtney & Kim Take Miami season finale aired on E! last night.

But don't worry, fans of contrived storylines about multi-millionaires with an utter lack of self-awareness: there's plenty more where this came from!

In the first promo for Keepimg Up with the Kardashians Season 8, we see :

• Kendall learning to drive.
• Rob packing on the pounds.
• Khloe cursing her sisters off.
• Bruce wanting to own a gun.
• And a pregnant Kim Kardashian crying up a storm.

If these teases don't pique your interest... well, that means you are mentally healthy. But check out the trailer anyway:

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 8 Promo

Last week, we saw Kim Kardashian hire a private investigator to tail Scott Disick, a suspect move on so many levels, and one that came to a head last night.

How did he and Kourtney react to her sib's latest subterfuge?

And what bombshell made them forget about it REAL fast?

Find out in our recap of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami!

The P.I. didn't seem to find out much on Scott beyond what we already know - he's a party animal who gets wasted at nightclubs - so what was the point?

Minus 60 for the pointlessness and deception.

Really, the fact that he wears tinted moisturizer was a much more significant reveal, and Kourtney found that out on her own! Plus 20 for her sleuthing.

And Minus 40 for the fact that he wears that.

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