ABC made no secret of what was going to transpire on The Bachelorette Monday night.
You didn’t need to scour the Internet for The Bachelorette spoilers to know who Hannah Brown was going to send packing.
The time had finally arrived for sexist pig Luke Parker to go home, a development many weeks and many inappropriate comments in the making.
Was it as satisfying as you had dreamed it would be? What was the argument that finally opened Hannah’s eyes to Luke’s awfulness?
And what did he actually dare to say about her sex life?!?
Scroll down for a full recap and all the answers to these questions…
It’s Fantasy Suite Weeeeek!
Hannah was pretty psyched to open the episode, considering she and her four remaining suitors were in Greece and, as she excitedly bellowed early on, it was Fantasy Suite Week.
Ready for Action, Love
“I really could see myself being ready for an engagement with any of the four men here,†she told the camera. “It has been a long time since I have been physical at all with a man. But Fantasy Suite week is not about sex. It’s to have the time and a real, raw way without cameras to see where my feelings are truly, and find out who I want to be with for the rest of my life.â€Â
We Start with Peter
The suitor — who totally sucks!!!! — and Hannah set off on a sailing date, with Peter opening up right away: “The way you make me feel so comfortable to be my true self, I have just never truly felt like that with someone until I met you. It made me realize how in love with you I am. And it was the greatest feeling ever.â€Â
Was That Too Much to Hear?
Nope. Hannah kissed Peter in response and said: “When Peter says that he loves me, it just melts my heart and it was sweet because of the anticipation, how nervous he was. It was just so nice to finally hear the words from him.â€Â
From Here?
It was off to the windmill! Indeed, Peter was the suitor with whom Hannah slept (twice!) in a windmill.
Did She Like It?
Yes. And Peter referred to the Fantasy Suite session as the “best night of my life.” Rave windmill sex reviews all around!
Peter Even Said These Words
“We came together and just bonded and it’s such a great feeling. I do have that sense that we are one now.â€Â
A Lot of Pressure on Tyler, Huh?
Following all of that? You better believe it! But Hannah felt pretty confident about her second date. “I’m 1,000 percent sure that physical intimacy with Tyler is not an issue,” she said in a confessional, as he gave her a seductive massage at the spa.
So, Did They Bang?
Stunningly, no. “I don’t want to go into the Fantasy Suite and have sex, because I don’t feel like that’s what our relationship needs,†Hannah told Tyler. “It would be very easy for me to want to do that. I think we have to explore just being together and continue our emotional connection and have that time. That’s what we need in a Fantasy Suite.â€Â
How Did Tyler Respond?
Very well… on camera, at least. “The man I am today is not the same kid I was nine weeks ago,†he said in a moving speech to Hannah. “You’ve gotten me to open up so much and I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to stop looking in your eyes, I don’t want to stop seeing that smile, I don’t want to stop hearing that laugh, seeing those dimples. I can stand here today and tell you I do love you. I am so falling for you. You mean the world to me. I would love to spend more time with you and just be us.”
Did They Even Get to, Like, Second Base?
It doesn’t sound that way. “He was the most respectful man that’s ever been with me, ever,†Brown said in an on-camera interview.
What About Jed?
This date didn’t go as smoothly. Jed dined with Hannah for an authentic Greek meal and was very clear that he wasn’t thriled with how the previous week had gone.
All About Luke
“I need some clarity on Luke,†said Jed, who allegedly had a girlfriend during his time on the show. “It doesn’t add up to me just because I know you know and I care about you a lot and I don’t want to see you hurt. And I want to see you be with the best person you can be with. I’ve seen Luke from the beginning take people’s words and change them. I’ve seen him lie. I just don’t fully understand how you can be as amazing as you are and even consider someone like him.â€Â
We Have the Same Questions, Man
“It kind of says a lot about your decisions when you can look at me and tell me that you’re falling in love with me, but then also keep around somebody who’s been toxic to this process for you and everyone else,†Jed continued. “It makes me feel worried that you have a hard time letting go of things that aren’t good for you in your life. It causes me to feel worried. And when I feel worried, I feel like I retract how I feel.”
This is Hard!
Brown walked away from the table in tears at one point.
But Then Jed Got Hard
The two ended up in the Fantasy Suite despite this discussion. “I’m sure about you, Mr. Jedd Wyatt,†she said — and Jed later added to the cameras, “We didn’t sleep a wink.”
Brace Yourselves Now, Folks
It’s time to detail Hannah’s date with Luke.
The Date from Hell
After taking a helicopter to Santorini, Hannah and Luke sat down for dinner… where he bluntly brought up the topic of sex. And then it was so totally on…
The Speech from Hell
“I am very confident that were on the same page with our morals and I just want to hear it from your mouth,†Luke told Hannah. “I’ve heard people proclaim their faith, but yet they’ve said things like, “I’m excited for Fantasy Suites, I want to explore this relationship on a sexually intimate level and that’s what I’m looking forward to.†And to me, that’s like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa excuse me? What? There’s something I’m missing here.”
You’re Missing SO Much, Dude
“Like I don’t believe that’s something you should be doing and I just want to make sure that you’re not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here,” he continued. “Like I totally have all the trust in the world for you but at the same time I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. Like if you told me you’re going to have sex or you had sex with one or multiple of these guys I would be wanting to go home 100 percent.”
Oh Yeah?!?
“Some of the things you said, I don’t agree with at all,†Hannah shot back at Luke. “And honestly, like I’m like kind of mad because like the way that you just said that is like, why do you have the right to do that because you’re not my husband and you’re not … it’s just that you’re questioning me and you’re judging me and feel like you have the right to when you don’t at this point. And I get when you care for somebody that you don’t want to think about somebody being intimate with another person. But guess what, sex might be a sin out of marriage, pride is a sin, too, and I feel like this is a pride thing.”
And I’ve F-cked Two Guys Here
Hannah added this tidbit as well.
Uhhh, But, Uhhh…
Luke attempted to backtrack, but still insisted, “Let’s say you have had sex — throwing a crazy scenario at you: Let’s say you’ve had sex with all these other relationships, all. I’m willing to do or work through anything.”
You’re Done, Man
I’m a grown woman, and I can make my own decisions, and I’m not strapped to a man right now,†Hannah said as she rose from the table.
We All Mess Up, Right?
Luke referred to Hannah having intercourse as a “slip-up†he could forgive, to which she replied: “I don’t slip up.”
Game, Set, Match… Hannah
“I know that I have given this my all. I have cried, I have struggled, I have screamed, I have made decisions that have kept me up at night,†Hannah said proudly. “There have been so many times that I have wanted to say I am done with you, but my heart has just not allowed me to let you go. And I prayed so much for clarity and I feel like I have finally gotten clarity on you. And I do not want you to be my husband.”
I Owe You Nothing
“I feel like you owe me at least a minute to share my heart,†Luke tried to argue, only to be told in response: “I don’t owe you anything at this point. Do you not understand that? I have like bent over backwards for this relationship, so I don’t owe you anything.”
The Final, Amazing Word
After Luke rejected getting into the car, Hannah laid it out for this loser. “I have had sex,†she declared. “And Jesus still loves me. From obviously how you feel, me f-cking in a windmill, you probably want to leave. And my husband would never say what you said to me.”
Eff. This. Guy.
“I answer to the Lord, I don’t answer to Luke,†Hannah said in an on-camera interview. “I’m just relieved I never have to deal with him again.â€Â
You’re Welcome!
In case you were wondering whether Hannah had any regrets, this is what she Tweeted after the episode aired. Incredible.