As The Bachelorette spoilers predicted, Luke Parker is finally off the ABC show that has given his awfulness a forum for far too long.
Tragically, however, he is not out of our lives.
On Monday night’s heated episode, Hannah Brown finally sent Luke packing after Parker made it clear that he had major issues with Brown having slept with other suitors.
Peeved beyond all bounds of belief that Parker would essentially sex and Jesus-shame her, Hannah put Luke into a car and then flipped him off — while millions of viewers stood up and cheered from the comfort of their living rooms.
You can relive the words exchanged between both parties below.
And then you can read the latest Instagram and Twitter messages sent by both Luke and Hannah, in which it’s made clear that this feud is far from over:
Things Started Off Well Enough on the Episode
Spit was swapped between Luke and Hannah and viewers likely assumed the former would earn an invitation to the latter’s Fantasy Suite…
… Until They Sat Down for Dinner
And then Parker revealed his true colors, which pretty much everyone not named Hannah Brown had been aware of for weeks prior to this installment.
Go Ahead and Dig Your Own Grave, Luke
“I am very confident that were on the same page with our morals and I just want to hear it from your mouth,” Luke explained to Hannah. “I’ve heard people proclaim their faith, but yet they’ve said things like, “I’m excited for Fantasy Suites, I want to explore this relationship on a sexually intimate level and that’s what I’m looking forward to.”
Look, I Wanna Bang… As Long as You’re Pure
This is basically what Luke was saying, as he continued: “To me, that’s like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa excuse me? What? There’s something I’m missing here. Like I don’t believe that’s something you should be doing and I just want to make sure that you’re not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here. Like I totally have all the trust in the world for you but at the same time I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
Dude, You Aren’t Even in the Same Book
Luke then dropped this bombshell: “If you told me you’re going to have sex or you had sex with one or multiple of these guys I would be wanting to go home 100 percent.”
Give It to Him, Hannah!
“Some of the things you said, I don’t agree with at all,” she told Luke in angry response. “And honestly, like I’m like kind of mad because like the way that you just said that is like, why do you have the right to do that because you’re not my husband and you’re not … it’s just that you’re questioning me and you’re judging me and feel like you have the right to when you don’t at this point.”
Keep Going, Girl!
She added: “I get when you care for somebody that you don’t want to think about somebody being intimate with another person. But guess what, sex might be a sin out of marriage, pride is a sin, too, and I feel like this is a pride thing.”
Luke Tried a Hypothetical:
“Let’s say you have had sex — throwing a crazy scenario at you: Let’s say you’ve had sex with all these other relationships, all. I’m willing to do or work through anything.”
Nope, Due. Just… Nope.
“I’m a grown woman, and I can make my own decisions, and I’m not strapped to a man right now,” Hannah responded with force.
Hannah on the Understandable War Path
“I know that I have given this my all. I have cried, I have struggled, I have screamed, I have made decisions that have kept me up at night,” Hannah said to Luke. “There have been so many times that I have wanted to say I am done with you, but my heart has just not allowed me to let you go. And I prayed so much for clarity and I feel like I have finally gotten clarity on you. And I do not want you to be my husband.”
KABOOM!
“I don’t owe you anything at this point,” she declared. “Do you not understand that? I have like bent over backwards for this relationship, so I don’t owe you anything.”
KABOOM AGAIN!
“I have had sex,” she told Luke while basically shoving him into a car. “And Jesus still loves me. From obviously how you feel, me f-cking ing in a windmill, you probably want to leave. And my husband would never say what you said to me.”
In Conclusion?
“I answer to the Lord, I don’t answer to Luke,” Hannah said in an on-camera interview. “I’m just relieved I never have to deal with him again.”
Except This Wasn’t the Conclusion
After the episode aired, Hannah posted this terrific Tweet — and then Luke dared to share his sexist thoughts.
Luke Shared This Photo on Instagram
“It hurt my heart that @alabamahannah felt I was shaming her,” he wrote to open a lengthy caption alongside of it.
And Then He Kept Going and Going
“In our conversation my heart was never to judge or condemn Hannah. I was simply making a decision for myself on what I expected in our relationship, our conversations and our beliefs led me to believe we were on the same page about sex. For me it was never about getting a rose, it was always about finding a wife who would choose me everyday just as I would choose her everyday.”
I’m Not Perfect
Yes, he really did use this line, continuing: “As for my time on the show I made mistakes and no I’m not perfect (crazy right) I didn’t totally behave as the man I want to be and I did not represent Christ the way I thought I was prepared to and that has broken me.”
Do We Have to Stay Tuned to You?
“This journey has taught me so much and for that I am grateful but the greatest gift I have received is a compassion for those who love the world and it’s ways,” he said, using poor grammar. “My desire is to put the Father first above all things and share the truth that he has given to us all. Thank you everyone for the prayers always remember speak truth and rid yourself of all hate, let compassion drive your words. Stay tuned.”
And Then Luke Dropped THIS:
“The difference in how we view sin is seen in the response, I’m weeping at mine and you’re laughing at yours. All sin stings. My heart hurts for both of us.” Wow, right?
Hannah Fires Back
“Time and time again jesus loved and ate with “sinners” who laughed. and time and time again he rebuked “saints” that judged. where do you fall Luke?” she asked.
Luke Returns Religious Fire
“There is a difference between eating with sinners who laugh and sinners who laugh at their sin. Sin is the very thing that put Jesus on the cross and that’s not a laughing matter.”
Hannah Wins
“i have never said that i find my sin funny. i’m not going to lectured on appropriate emotional responses by a guy who threw deli meat in a guys lap.” Best mic drop line ever?
But She Wasn’t Done
Delete Your Account, Man
And then disappear from public life forever.