Every time Farrah Abraham opens her mouth, every single time, it's a disaster.
A Farrah with an open mouth means that she's either being rude as hell to anyone and everyone, she's saying something dumb or just plain unintelligible, or she's just physically incapable of closing her mouth, thanks to all that plastic surgery.
In this new clip from next week's episode of Teen Mom OG, Farrah's three for three.
Yes, Farrah's still working on opening that damn frozen yogurt shop, and yes, she's still being absolutely awful about it.
This time, her sometimes boyfriend Simon Saran is helping her out, but since he's not doing things the way she would do them, he is obviously a terrible human being.
She tells him to fill a juice cooler, and he does, but in while he's moving a box of juice, he pauses for a moment, because he's a grown man and he can stop for a literal second if he wants to.
But, oddly enough, Farrah is a grown woman, and if she wants to sass him for no reason at all, she can do that, too.
"If you have an issue helping me," she tells him, with glee in her heart, "then don't help me."
When he tries to talk her down -- and it's hard to imagine why he'd even try, as he should know by now that once she gets rude and starts raising her voice, there's no stopping her until she either storms out or starts ugly-crying -- she says "get out of my way than you rather get in my way."
Simon starts to argue with her, but then decides to just go to the back of the shop and eat instead.
It would have been a smart choice, but Farrah and her stupid sunglasses tracks him down to fuss at him some more.
"Just tell me what you need," Simon tells her calmly, and that was obviously the wrong thing to say.
"Fill up the refrigerator," she starts. "You act like you're Mr. Home Ec and you can't listen to what I have said. It's not hard. I didn't ask what you think. I said what I said and you can't help. That's a problem. That's a severe problem."
The only "severe problem" we're seeing here is Farrah's inability to string words together in a way that makes sense, but sure, sounds great.
"If one of my employees acted like that," Farrah continues, "then they would be fired. And if you're a friend, then act like a friend. Seriously. Seriously, try getting married and not being helpful to your wife. That's a divorce. Good luck."
What, is that flirting for Farrah, comparing her situation in this yogurt shop hell with Simon to being married?
Did she learn nothing from the time she so embarrassingly bought herself an engagement ring because she assumed Simon was going to propose to her?
Look, we're sure that Simon enjoys the attention he gets from being with Farrah, and we're also sure that Farrah greatly enjoys having a punching bag in the form of a "boyfriend."
But can this relationship just be over now? At least until she learns how to talk right?