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The Britney Spears sex tape, or alleged Britney Spears sex tape, as we keep calling it, for lack of proof that it even exists, continues to fuel intense, filthy, lewd speculation.

The UK tabloid News of the World reported that Kevin Federline is shopping a four-hour sex tape featuring himself naked and “enjoying an uninhibited range of lovemaking” to his now-estranged wife, Britney Spears.

The paper cites a source close to Federline saying, “They did nothing all day but have sex – and play the odd game of chess.”

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Huh? K-Fed plays chess? We figured him for the checkers type, if you know what we’re saying. We’re saying he’s a stupid f*%k and not smart enough to play chess.

Neither Britney or Kevin has confirmed the tape exists, but notorious porn broker David Hans Schmidt, who has said he is willing to pay up to $100 million for the tape if it is authentic, tells Us Weekly that he has been in contact with the alleged video’s seller and plans to meet him in person today.

Although the seller spoke to Schmidt from a phone with a scrambled number, the man known heretofore as the Celebrity Sex Tape God says that the seller “dropped all the right names that made me believe he had the tape.”

At the same time, TMZ reports that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will get back together – just one more time, to assure the public they never made any sex tapes. Unlike Dustin Diamond. He made one. In which he gave some chick the Dirty Sanchez. Yuck. Please keep that Screech sex tape away from us, David Hans Schmidt.

A statement will be issued by Britney and K-Fed soon, the celebrity sleuths report.