Michael Lohan

Troubled star Lindsay Lohan was the instigator, aggressor and drink-tosser in her latest nightclub melee ... according to a witness who is probably lying.

We've been tough critics of Lindsay in the past, but piling false accusations on the girl is becoming a major sport in Hollywood these days. Cut the BS.

The witness, who was with the other girl involved in the latest altercation with Lohan, says the whole thing began after a major misunderstanding.

The girl was hanging out at the booth next to Lindsay's when Lohan tapped her on the shoulder aggressively and asked, "Did you bump into me?"

The girl denied the bump, and suggested the real culprit could have been one of the guys in Lindsay's group. She then pointed to one of the men.

Lindsay replied, according to the witness, "That's my dad ... why would he bump me?" The girl then shot back, "You go clubbing with your dad?"

The life of Lindsay Lohan is almost too ludicrous to believe sometimes.

Last night, the alleged actress returned to the scene of the alleged crime from two weeks ago, when she allegedly got into a fight with some woman.

This time, LiLo rolled to The Standard Hotel in Hollywood and went to Smoke and Mirrors, the same nightclub ... and got into it with another woman.

Lindsay's friend drove her car to the hotel, with the star in the passenger seat. The driver pulled into the parking garage and promptly hit another car.

Witnesses say Lindsay called her sometimes-estranged, oft-jailed father, Michael Lohan, for help, and he dutifully showed up ... and then hung out!

MiLo took his little girl inside the club and the two chilled for hours, without any alcohol. Cute! It was all fun until some moron had to go mouth off.

Around closing time, a woman in the booth next to theirs made a snide comment about Lindsay showing up with her dad. LiLo was far from happy.

Lindsay got up and screamed, "Shut the f**k up!" The woman responded by throwing a drink in Lindsay's face. MiLo grabbed her and bolted for the exit.

A day in the life.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Kate Major has called the police on her former lover Michael Lohan, claiming he violated his restraining order, which he claims is totally untrue ... again.

This is the April 12, 2012 edition of this oft-repeated story.

Law enforcement sources say crazy Kate called the Delray Beach, Fla., police, claiming Lohan had shown up to a salon she was at (a violation of the current protective order against him) and started furiously banging on the glass windows.

Police arrived, but by that point, MiLo had already split ... apparently he did not get stuck in a tree trying to flee the cops this time. We think.

Michael's side of the story is that Kate actually invited him to the salon in the first place, so that she could borrow money for him ... allegedly.

Mike says Kate has been seriously involved with him recently and that the two have been secretly living together in spite of the restraining order.

Law enforcement sources say police took Kate Major's statement when they showed up to the salon and have also spoke to MiLo as well.

The Florida State Attorney's Office will decide if charges will be filed and ML makes yet another contribution to our celebrity mug shots album.

Lindsay Lohan might have a judge convinced she's got her life back on track, but her loser father says she's got to work on things with the man upstairs.

Michael Lohan, who just completed a court-ordered rehab stint himself, told Radar Online that he sees his daughter with bigger problems than probation.

"People can make things right with a judge but that doesn't mean they've made it right with God," MiLo hilariously said about his 25-year-old daughter.

"Judges don't always pass the right judgment themselves,” says Michael Lohan, who has been put in jail by more than a few judges over the years.

“God is the ultimate judge, and he judges us based upon what he sees and knows - not man!" adds MiLo. "I think we all know that all too well."

"For those who don't, well, I feel sorry for them."

Profound words from a man who lives his life for the Lord and demonstrates his faith with his selfless actions every single day ... or something.

His sermon to the celebrity news site goes on:

Porn star Alex Torres, a.k.a. Voodoo, claims to have had a wild night of sex with Lindsay Lohan while her father, Michael Lohan, was asleep in the same house.

Surprising? Not really.

Torres talked with The Jim Richards Show on Newstalk 1010 in Toronto on Friday when he divulged his A-list romp after being told MiLo would be on the show.

"Ask [Michael Lohan] if he knows about that night I had with his daughter while he was sleeping upstairs," Voodoo told Richards. "I'm not joking!"

He also made it sound like she paid him: "Many of these Hollywood celebrities pay me a high price dollar to come and satisfy them. I'm not joking!"

To clarify, host Jim Richards says, "So you're saying you've had relations with Lindsay Lohan?"

"I'm saying that," Voodoo confirms.

Photographer Terry Richardson also had an intimate encounter with the Mean Girls star, according to Radar, and she heavily pursued him afterward.

He's "just not interested," however, which is sad for her and all ... but it appears Lohan is fully back on her original team, if you will. Nice.

What do a former Real-Housewife-turned-stripper, an ex-Charlie Sheen play thing and someone who had sex with Hugh Hefner have in common?

They can all be found at Dial-A-Star!

Yes, this new service gives regular folks the chance to speak with Z-listers such as Danielle Staub, Capri Anderson and Crystal Harris on the phone, for as low as $10/minute!

According to founder Gina Rodriguez, the celebrities are in charge of their rate and no one is doing better than Staub, who has reportedly raked in $1,000 in an hour.

"I think recording artists will do really well," Rodriguez tells The Huffington Post. "Imagine if Lady Gaga did it."

So, how much are these nobodies bringing in? Tila Tequila asks for $20/minute; Dina Lohan $18/minute; OctoMom $12/minute and Michael Lohan $10/minute. AND PEOPLE ARE PAYING IT!!!

Which, of course, forces us to ask: which of these "stars" would you most want to chat with on the phone?

Michael Lohan has been ordered to get a job ... and he's willing to do almost anything.

Lindsay Lohan's dad initially applied to Burger King (seriously) but has decided to pass on the gig ... because instead, he's accepted a job at a radio station.

Why, you ask? The treatment center where Lohan is seeking court-ordered counseling told MiLo to get a job to help transition back into functioning society.

He was ordered to complete treatment as part of his plea deal in his domestic violence case. He was arrested late last year for assaulting Kate Major.

At the WiLD 95.5 radio station in Palm Beach, Fla., he will primarily take on the grunt work ... but come on, he's gotta make it onto the air at some point.

It's Michael Lohan, after all. Guaranteed to get some phone calls, good or bad.

The pay: $8.25 an hour ... 50 cents more than he would've made at BK! In a class move, he's said he will donate it all to charity. What a human being!

As for Kate Major ... she is very possibly an even bigger psycho.

Lindsay Lohan's estranged and equally troubled father Michael Lohan was taken back to the hospital early Friday morning after experiencing chest pains.

MiLo was transferred from a rehab facility in Palm Beach, Fla., after doctors found blood clots and put him on medication to try and break them up.

Doctors feel they don't need to perform surgery, but they want to keep in the hospital for a couple of days to make sure Mike's medication works.

This is the second time in less than two months Lohan has been hospitalized for recurring heart problems. He collapsed at an AA meeting the last time.

He had surgery to repair a blockage back on December 5.

Lohan is due to be released from rehab on March 16. It's unclear whether that will be pushed back due to this and previous hospital stays.

We wish him a fast recovery in any case.

The Lohan family members like to live on the edge.

Lindsay Lohan’s troubled father Michael has been in and out of the hospital, and his court-ordered rehab facility, since his two arrests in one week late last year.

“I don't know what God has in store for me, but it must be BIG. I should've been dead five times already,” Michael reflected of his numerous health woes.

When you collapse at an AA meeting, times are tough.

MiLo says he’s finally on the road to recovery, though.

“It’s by far the best treatment facility I have ever worked with or have been to,” he said about A New Day treatment center in North Palm Beach, Florida.

“A little longer and the blood clot would have taken me out.”

Separated from his four children over the holidays, Michael said his treatment is finally improving their relationship, especially with his eldest daughter.

“The whole thing has made me look at life differently and brought me and my entire family closer, including Lindsay," he said in a chat with Radar.

Michael was sentenced to 90 days in rehab and will be out in a few months to entertain us once again - hopefully in good health for years to come.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Michael Lohan is battling health problems as well as legal ones.

The father of Lindsay and Ali Lohan collapsed during an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting on Tuesday and was taken to the hospital, according to reports.

"Michael started to feel light headed during his meeting so he walked outside, and that's when he collapsed," a source close to MiLo told Radar Online.

The diagnosis came soon after: "He was taken in an ambulance to Palm Beach Gardens Hospital where doctors found another blood clot in his lung."

Michael was given medication to break down the clot and the 51-year-old was given CAT scans and an MRI to make sure the clot hadn't spread to his brain.

Since Michael's hilarious arrest when he violated a restraining order and tried to flee police out of a window, he's split time between rehab and the hospital.

The ex-boyfriend of Kate Major had surgery to unclog his artery and repair blockage in his heart in early December, only to suffer from a staph infection.

He remains in the hospital now awaiting the results of a round of tests.

Whenever he's released, MiLo will be sent back to rehab, again.