Lindsay Lohan
Gossip

On one hand, Lindsay Lohan posing like Jesus Christ is sacrilegious and appalling.

On the other, it's understandable. After all, think of how many times this unemployed actress has heard her name associated with the son of God:

Jesus Christ, Lindsay Lohan is insane!

Jesus Christ, Lindsay Lohan is thin!

Jesus Christ, Lindsay Lohan is desperate for attention!

Can you really blame the train wreck, therefore, for making like this figure on the cover of French fashion magazine Purple? Check it out:

Lindsay Lohan as Jesus: Insulting or accurate?

This cover shot comes on the heels of Lindsay throwing a drink in ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson's face, but that incident makes more sense now.

She likely thought it was holy water.

Stop us if you've heard this before: Lindsay Lohan has made a public spectacle of herself.

Witnesses told Radar Online that the troubled, unemployed actress was drinking, drugging and flipping out at ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson on Wednesday night.

"Sam was working her usual weekly gig DJing at Crown bar," an onlooker said. "Lindsay turned up around 11 pm and she was in the mood for trouble!

"[She] was drinking straight out of a bottle of vodka and I saw her take an orange prescription bottle out of her bag and pop a couple of pills that she said were Adderal, she even offered some of the pills to a friend that was with her."

Lindsay Lohan reportedly hordes shoes, pills and public spats.

This anonymous source went on to say that Lindsay grew "more and more worked up" as Ronson failed to acknowledge her, even as Lohan dirty danced with another girl in front of the DJ.

Finally, Samantha had enough and referred to Lindsay as a "disgrace." The Crotch of Fire's response?

"She picked up a drink and threw it straight in her face! Sam was absolutely furious and picked up some DJ equipment that was by her and threw that at Lindsay. It was crazy!"

Eh, sounds more like another typical day in the life of Lindsay Lohan, who was escorted out of the club by a friend. That's the hardest part to believe in all this:

Who is friends with Lindsay Lohan?!?

Lindsay Lohan's pad is apparently a cesspool of disease. Or at least clutter.

According to The Insider, she's a hoarder. Like, OCD style. Her bedroom has become a warehouse of shoes; her living room filled with rack upon rack of clothes.

"I just need to get rid of ... stuff," she said. "That's personal stuff I have to work on."

That quote could be interpreted in so many different ways ...

Issues. Serious issues. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

In the interview, set to air Thursday, Niecy Nash, host of the Style Network's Clean House reality show, has a sit-down with the oft-troubled Lindsay Lohan.

Nash theorizes that the alleged actress may be using hoarding as a coping mechanism for the estranged relationship she has with her father, Michael Lohan.

Psychobabble or not, the girls' got serious problems. Like cutting herself, doing drugs, alcoholism, not eating, a refusal to wear pants a lot of times, etc., etc.

"It's kind of a sore subject," she says in the teaser, which promises to reveal her emotional, "private pain" for the first time ... probably for a lot of money.

Follow the jump for a clip of Lindsay the hoarder ...

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Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga collaborating in the studio?

Don't bet on it, but producer Rodney Jerkins, who's going to be out of work if he keeps coming up with ideas like this, says he'd like the two to work together.

"I can pair them up," says Jerkins, who recently collaborated on Gaga's "Telephone" with Beyoncé. "I would love it. I would love to see what could happen."

While it sounds like convincing the Lost writers to collaborate with the total hacks who bring you Heroes, Jerkins thinks this would be a can't miss project.

He also thinks Lohan can be the next big thing in music. We were thinking that she can be the next big thing in 5150 holds at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

A Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga collaboration? We don't see it. Talk about diluting the brand! Gaga's, that is. [Pics: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com; Splash News Online]

"If she stays focused, she has what it takes," Jerkins said, seemingly seriously. "I've talked to her, and I said, 'You've got what it takes. I believe in you.'"

"I've seen people question actresses who have wanted to become pop stars, and they don't have it. I believe she has it, something deep down."

"I think there's something there. It just needs to be pulled out."

The only thing pulled out when it comes to Lohan is ... forget it.

Basically, don't hold your breath for this duet. Lady Gaga's Grammy performance showed what a dynamic performer she is. Lohan? Not in her league.

Neither Kim Kardashian nor Lindsay Lohan possesses much talent or body weight.

But while the former at least has the support of her family, poor Lindsay has been throwing the tabloid wolves by her ex-convict of a father and attention whore of a mother. The result, sadly, has been rumors of drug use and cutting.

Therefore, we can forgive Lohan's unoriginal sense of fashion. She does have a lot on her mind these days.

This may explain why Lindsay's Brian Lichtenberg dress at this month's InStyle Golden Globes after-party was the exact same outfit worn by Kardashian a few weeks earlier in Las Vegas.

Compare the stars below and then vote for the sexiest:

Who looks best in this dress?

Some friend who claims knowledge of the inner turmoil of train wreck actress Lindsay Lohan claims she has been cutting herself. Some friend, indeed!

This purported pal does not have a name, apparently, but some photos appear to show a fresh cut on Lindsay's arm at a Golden Globes pre-party.

The source puts the blame on Lohan. Dina Lohan.

"Why is Dina out partying when it's clear she's still cutting herself?" Lindsay's friend said. "Dina should get Lindsay help, not follow her to parties."

Reports first surfaced that Lindsay was harming herself late last year. Her dad, Michael Lohan, has been adamant about getting his daughter help.

As long as he gets lots of attention for it, that is.

CUTTER: Harming herself or not, Linds' fashion is not cutting edge!

Cutting herself or not, Lindsay hasn't recently had her share of stress lately, most notably the death of good friend Casey Johnson a couple of weeks ago.

Girl also got robbed by Patrick Aufdenkamp. Man, that had to suck too. We sure hope that she gets the help she needs. Lots of it. Before it's too late.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan is in the clear after her weekend car accident, and amazingly, her allies in getting off the hook may be celebrity gossip photographers.

Law enforcement sources are now saying that video of Lohan's vehicular run-in with a pissed-off photographer Sunday proves the incident was fairly benign.

The actress' driver is a "person of interest" in an assault with a deadly weapon investigation after she allegedly clipped a paparazzi member with her car.

She was trying to maneuver Lindsay through an alley at the time.

The dude is threatening to sue Lindsay over the incident, but the "alleged assault" looks like a bunch of nothing according to film shot by other photogs.

Caption rendered unnecessary.

It's possible the driver could be targeted for hit-and-run, but only for the true nature of the crime - leaving after hitting someone or something without reporting it.

That does not mean anyone was seriously injured or Lindsay Lohan would somehow be implicated in it. So it looks like when all is said and done, she'll be cleared.

She remains guilty, however, of being a Grade A train wreck.

Last month, Lindsay Lohan went to India to film a moving documentary about child trafficking, which is set to air on the UK's BBC3 sometime this spring.

The first footage of LiLo abroad has recently been released on the web, showing us a couple of scenes from the forthcoming film Lindsay Lohan in India.

The documentary follows Lohan as she travels through the country to meet with young victims exploited by sweatshops and sex-trafficking operations.

"The whole situation is heartbreaking because the parents aren't necessarily in the wrong, the children are obviously not in the wrong," Lohan says.

"The traffickers are the ones in the wrong. Because they know what they're doing. And anyone that says that they don't know ... I mean, come on."

Indeed.

Why anyone would enlist Lindsay Lohan to do this, we have no clue. But we're glad she took time out of her busy schedule of being a train wreck.

That didn't take long. The photographer who claims he was "almost killed" in a car accident with Lindsay Lohan's driver this weekend is already threatening a lawsuit.

Good thing Lindsay has a team of attorneys on speed dial.

"Of course I'm going to sue them,but I don't care about the money," said the celebrity gossip photographer, blatantly lying as visions of dollar bills dance in his brain.

As we reported Sunday afternoon, Lohan was in the car during a crash and her driver is a person of interest in a criminal assault with a deadly weapon investigation.

TROUBLE FINDS HER: Lindsay Lohan may be sued by some dude her driver hit. We can't imagine it's the first time, nor the last. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The photographer, perhaps exaggerating things, claims he is "lucky to be alive" - especially because her driver was wearing sunglasses driving in a dark alley.

As Lohan left Hotel Cafe, the paparazzo was allegedly struck by the car, which reportedly did not stop. The photographer was treated for a hand injury.

He added, "I want to press charges so badly ... she's going to jail."

Mmmmyeah no she's not, but thanks for playing, jackass.

It's never too shocking when one of Hollywood's top train wrecks gets into a car wreck. What is shocking? Lindsay Lohan was neither drunk, nor driving!

Following a late night out Saturday, the alleged actress and fashion designer was involved in a car accident, an LAPD rep confirmed to E! News Sunday.

"Her car was involved in an incident last night. A report was generated," the rep said. "There is an investigation. That's all we can confirm at this time."

Lindsay Lohan was not behind the wheel of the BMW that hit a celebrity gossip photographer while leaving The Hotel Cafe, according to a TMZ report.

OLD HAT: Another day, another car crash for LiLo.

Her driver is reportedly under investigation for assault with a deadly weapon, but the troubled 23-year-old is reportedly in the clear ... for a change.

For Lohan, automotive woes are as familiar as getting robbed, feuding with her family, epic fights with SamRo or a night out partying with no pants.

Last May, she was riding shotgun when her driver crashed into a wall outside a hotel. In 2007, she battled both DUI charges and car chase charges.

Where will the train wreck crash next? Stay tuned!