The Hills Season Premiere Recap: "It's On, Bitch!"

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On Tuesday night's season premiere of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari made her presence felt early and often. Amazing what huge paychecks and scripts can do. Meanwhile, Spencer put a deposit on a house without telling his duck-lipped plastic wife.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews Kristin's first episode of MTV's long-running "reality" TV series and awards and deducts points as it sees fit ...

The last-season-in-review montage showing Lauren Conrad departing airs, with Kristin as the show's new narrator. That's cold $h!t, MTV. Cold. Minus 2.

The girls sit around, reading cue cards and giving us the 411 on Kristin Cavallari, who they've just been informed will be on The Hills ... and will be their new friend, apparently. Hey, at least their disdain is for real. Plus 5.

Why would Spencer assume Kristin would go after Justin-Bobby, who looks homeless and by all accounts does not bathe, of all the people at the party? What about Frankie Delgado or Sleazy T? This whole scenario is so ridiculous. Minus 16.

Plus 9 for the obligatory Brody Jenner shirtless and sleeveless shots, and Plus 2 more because Jayde Nicole shows no signs of Joe Francis whomping on her.

Newlywed Heidi Montag says her goal in life is to keep her husband happy. Spoken like a true feminist. Cook, clean and break out the knee pads, Heidi. Minus 5.

Kristin to Audrina: "Your sidekick is yappin' her mouth at me!" Ten seconds into the season and she already knows the role of Stephanie Pratt. Plus 4.

LMAO moment: What in the effing hell is Spencer wearing when he and Heidi pretend to go house hunting? Why are his jeans tucked into his boots? Minus 1.

Stacie the bartender calls Audrina a stage-five clinger. Plus 2 for Stacie's unexplained, contrived appearance on the show, which is not even attempting to seem real at this point, and Plus 2 more for the use of Wedding Crashers quotes.

Even Kristin's voice sounds fake, like she's trying too hard to sound overly dramatic on her "date" with Justin-Bobby. Give us a freaking break. Minus 3.

Spencer puts a deposit down on a place without telling Heidi, who hates it. The more things change, the more they stay the same (and obnoxious). Plus 12.

Fittingly, the quote of the night goes to Kristin Cavallari: [on being a Capricorn] "I'm stubborn ... organized ... I have the BEST bed." Words fail us. Even.

TOTAL: +9! The Hills is what it is. If you can get past how obviously staged it all is, there's still a lot of drama and entertainment value to be enjoyed.


Kristen ha what a joke. some one needs to tell this girl to start acting real. word of advice take this (no good for buisness chick) off the show or you wont have a next season


this show is lame!!


this show will be over soon




hahaha i dont care if its staged, i still love itt!!


The show should be renamed THE PRATTS its about them and their little gropup now. Kristen the biatch, Steph the back stabber, Brody Mr reality TV king and Audrina and Lo who are all of a sudden best buds!!


I want LC back :( Kristin is the dumbest shit alive. And Whitney :( Brody and LC were actually cute together. Ugh.


We in the UK cannot understand Kristin as she speaks through her nose - we couldn't understand in Laguna Beach - and we still can't understand a word she says now. GET SOMEONE ELSE TO NARRATE PRONTO.............


Back, in simpilar times, I was able to enjoy watching the hills due to the fact I could easily lie to myself about the believability. This is no more apparently.
1) The Kristin/Justin Bobby thing is the most ridiculous scenario I've ever heard of.
2) Since when were Lo/Audrina/Stephanie bussom buddies? the ammount of time they're spending with eachother is absurd.
3) Why was Stacey the bartender there? who is she? what is her point?
4) why in the world is Kristin narrating? seriously, she barely knows the people shes talking about - at least lauren had a link with everyone... IT MAKES NO SENCE!!! i'll still watch it, because i have no standards, but it was utter crap.


This show has more than run its course. No one cares about these rich do nothings with their life whinebags.

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Kristin Cavallari Biography

Kristin Cavallari... Nude
Kristin Cavallari is a Laguna Beach alumna, controversy magnet, former girlfriend of Brody Jenner and Nick Zano, and celebrity gossip... More »
Denver, Colorado
Full Name
Kristin Elizabeth Cavallari