Spencer Pratt Might Cut Off His Nuts, Doesn't Trust Heidi Montag

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Finally, Spencer Pratt is echoing the sentiments of his harshest critics: all agree that the publicity-loving son of Satan should not bear any children.

Unfortunately for Heidi Montag, though, this means missing out on intercourse with her husband; because, as Pratt told The New York Post, he doesn't trust his wife.

"I'm not even kidding, but we're barely having sex because I'm scared that she's gonna have a baby," Spencer said. "That's the level our marriage is on right now. I'm not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts."

But, wait, isn't Heidi on birth control? Yes. However, this union is so strong and healthy that Spencer thinks she might stop taking the pill, spread her legs and not tell her man.

"She's not the kind of person who would lie – she would just walk away and not answer the question," Pratt said. "I'm very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently."

How is Spencer coping with the lack of sex? He's spending every waking hour ogling Montag's Playboy cover. Each page of her photo spread is likely very sticky at this point. (Sorry.)

In other news: Pratt also mocked Joel McHale, host of E!'s The Soup, because he always makes fun of Speidi. Spencer referred to McHale as "a struggling wannabe actor just clowning on reality stars," making it clear he's never heard any hilarious Community quotes.

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Heidi Montag Biography

Heidi Montag Boob Job!
Ah, Heidi Montag. The controversial, plastic, duck-lipped, attention-loving blonde is a co-star on MTV's hit reality series, The Hills,... More »
Crested Butte, Colorado
Full Name
Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag Quotes

I used to be so strong, I used to be able to do whatever I want, and then I feel like I've been broken down little by little.

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag: Honey, I'm home.
Spencer Pratt: Oh, my favorite part of the day!