Throughout the current season of Jersey Shore, Angelina Pivarnick and Mike Sorrentino have been hurling insults and allegations at one another non-stop.
For the most part, the cast has sided with Sorrentino, whose detective work regarding Pivarnick’s sketchy past has earned him the nickname the Investigation.
But when the guidos converged in San Diego during last night’s episode, both Mike and Angelina were forced to answer for some seriously sketchy behavior.
The gang assembled at the Hard Rock Cafe Hotel, and to remind us how much the show has changed since its glory days, they met up in a conference room, instead of attending the raging pool party going on just outside.
Once again, the issue was Angelina’s cheating on her estranged husband, Chris Larangeira, and her decision to lie to her castmates about it.
Pivarnick also stands accused of leaking the footage of Jenni, Snooki, and Deena’s bridesmaids speech at her wedding in an effort to destroy her co-stars’ reputation.
Yes, the marriage is over, and we’re still talking about the wedding!
“Angelina, you don’t admit anything, ever! Grow some balls. Just f—ing tell the truth,” Jenni “JWoww” Farley snarled at Pivarnick during Thursday’s episode.
“I’m telling you the truth on everything right now. All you have to do is say, I f—ing sold the speech, who gives a f—?!”
“If you leaked it, good for you. If you didn’t leak it, I don’t give a f—! I am so done!” Deena chimed in, clearly over the drama.
At certain times, there was some actual progress, such as when Angelina made a pretty good point about how Jenni probably wouldn’t want any of her friends palling around with her ex-husband Roger Mathews.
Jenni admitted that she was wrong for venting her frustrations on social media, but then she revealed that the Sorrentinos have been involved in some sketchy behavior of their own.
For some reason, Mike wanted Jenni to come on his podcast and interview Angelina (even though he’s been the one conducting “the Investigation” into Pivarnick’s behavior).
Jenni also revealed that Mike’s wife Lauren Pesce called Angelina a “dirty little hamster” and encouraged the other castmates to block her on social media.
“He’s coming to us trying to expose you and going to you being very friendly. I defended you because I don’t like what Mike’s doing to you,” JWoww explained.
At that point, Mike and Lauren entered the conference room/lion’s den, unaware of what was in store.
Mike turned the attention back toward Pivarnick, claiming that the entire cast doesn’t “agree with the way that Angelina lives her life or makes decisions.”
“That’s my f—ing business, Mike,” Angelina clapped back, prompting Mike to tell her her life was a “mess.”
Sorrentino then claimed that the idea of having Jenni conduct the interview was merely a “bad taste joke” and Angelina was “getting worked up about something that was never going to happen.”
“This is such a waste of a day, I’m jumping!” Vinny lamented in a confessional, as he pined for the pool party going on 30 floors beneath him.
“None of you talk about your own f—ing lives, how about that? Vinny, you had a girlfriend for how many years and nobody knew about it!” Angelina exclaimed, once again making a solid point.
“You’re the only one that does crazy s—!” Vinny retorted.
“Angelina got some set of balls to say she’s the only person that shares her life. We all share our lives. It’s just that you share your crazy life.”
Jenni argued that the entire cast “gave everything,” while Deena said she has a “beautiful family” whose fights would be “boring” to watch on TV.
(A montage of moments from the Buckner household confirmed this.)
“I’m an authentic person,” Angelina explained, leading Mike to ask, “because you’re a cheater?”
“Why do you care? Why does he care so bad about my sex life?” Pivarnick asked.
“Does he want me to set up a camera in my bedroom? I’m going through my own s—,” she continued, before turning to Jenni and saying:
“When you were going through your divorce, I gave you respect.”
“Because everyone gave that respect and I wasn’t f—ing dudes behind his back. Plain and simple. You’re messy and it comes back on us!” Jenni shot back.
At that point, Jenni lost it and went full JWoww, yelling at Angelina to “shut the f–k up” and shouting “I’M NOT F–KING DONE” in the “mother of teens” voice she’s worked out for the future.
We feel sorry for those teens.
And as all of this was happening, the pool party went on down below, and Vinny never got to show off his Chippendale dance moves to the ladies of the San Diego Hard Rock.
Clearly, he’s the real victim in all of this.