Amber Portwood: I Prayed For My Father's Death!

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Amber Portwood is in the midst of what professional sports teams might call a rebuilding season.

It was less than a year ago that Portwood was arrested after attacking her then-fiance, Andrew Glennon, with a machete.

Amber Portwood Near Tears

But these days, Amber is dating Dimitri Garcia, and recent episodes of Teen Mom OG show the couple getting to know each other in person for the first time.

Dimitri is from Belgium, and he and Amber met online.

Understandably concerned that he might just be using her for wealth and fame, Portwood subjected Garcia to a lie detector test on last week's episode.

He passed wih flying colors -- but that only raised more complications.

Amber Portwood's Boyfriend Dmitri

On Tuesday's episode, Dimitri accompanied Amber to an appointment with her psychiatrist, Dr. Stachler.

"At the time, ecstatic and when I got home I started crying and I was really scared because now that means moving to the next step of the relationship," Portwood said of Dimitri's test results.

"I didn't really grow up around a lot of love."

From there, Amber opened up about her difficult upbringing.

Amber Portwood Up in Arms

Portwood's father died in 2014 after struggling with alcoholism for much of his adult life.

While she repaired her relationship with him toward the end of his life, Amber says she spent many years despising her father.

In her therapy session, she noted that it was "pretty hard" for her to live a healthy life "when all you knew until the age of 14 was, 'You're a bitch,' 'You're this,' 'You're that.' It messes with your head a little."

"I think growing up with an alcoholic father has a lot to do with your adult relationships," said Dr. Stachler

Amber Portwood in Red

"It has everything to do with it, honestly," Amber replied.

"At the end, with my father, I loved him to death, but in the beginning, I prayed for his death."

While longtime Teen Mom OG fans are no doubt aware of Amber's difficult relationship with her father, the admission that she prayed for his death still came as a shock to many viewers.

At that point, Amber explained her efforts to help her new boyfriend better understand her mental health issues.

Amber Portwood Teen Mom O. G.

"We were sitting together and just to be curious I went to a website and I translated what bipolar disorder type 2 was, and what borderline was and anxiety and PTSD and s— like that," she told her psychiatrist.

"He looked at me and said, ‘Now I understand more.’ He got it a little bit more," she said.

"I said to him, ‘Just, sometimes, you have to be gentle with me,’ and I said, ‘You know, it’s not just you that has to be that way, I have to be gentle with you too.' "

There's no denying that Amber has done some awful things in her life -- but hopefully, with Dimitri's help, she can now begin the healing process.

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Amber Portwood Biography

Amber Portwood Admits that She's a Bad Mom
Amber Portwood is a star on MTV's Teen Mom. She is the mother of Leah Leann Shirley, whose father is Gary Shirley, Amber's on-off fiance... More »
Anderson, Indiana
Full Name
Amber Portwood