When it recently came to his need to defile a beloved Disney character, one resident of Florida simply could not…
… let it go.
According to a police report, 20-year old Cody Meader went into a Target last Tuesday afternoon and allegedly had no desire to build a snowman.
Instead, he wanted to spew his seed all over one.
(We’re really sorry — but it’s true.)
Local police say Meader walked into a Pinellas Park Target on October 22 and headed straight toward a display of merchandise from the highest-grossed animated movie of all-time, Frozen.
Undeterred by his fellow customers around him, or the lifeless body of this stuffed animal, Meader is accused of honing in on a replica of the now-legendary snowman himself, Olaf.
“[Meader] proceeded to lay it on the floor and ‘dry hump’ the item,” the arrest affidavit reads.
The defilement of the animated character didn’t stop there, either. We’re extremely sorry to report that the suspect finished his act.
“He ejaculated onto the merchandise before placing it back on display,” the affidavit continues.
Poor Olaf, right? All the guy has ever wanted is his own personal flurry… of snow. Not of semen.
Deputies went on to say that the over-anxious Frozen fan wasn’t fully satisfied after violating Olaf.
He somehow managed to repeat this same process to a stuffed unicorn in the vicinity, which raises two obvious questions:
- What is this guy’s recovery time?
- How slow was the response time of Target security officers and/or the local police?!?
Meader was eventually detained and taken to Pinellas County jail. He posted his $150 bond later that day.
Olaf was voiced by Josh Gad in Frozen and will play a prominent role in this winter’s Frozen sequel.
Probably the breakout character of that first film, his witty one-liners and innocent, optimistic view of life captured a generation’s attention, as this snowman came to life in a way never before really depicted on screen before.
He really just wanted to hang out in the summer time and to enjoy warm hugs whenever possible, not warm…
Right, sorry. Nevermind.