We've done it, people!
We've searched long and hard and broken a lot of sweat in the process, but we've tracked down the only two individuals on the planet who managed to find fault with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga's performance at the Academy Awards last night.
Come on down, Piers Morgan and Mel B! Take a bow!
And then go retreat right back into the hole where you belong.
For those who have been off the Internet all day, Cooper and Gaga performed a rendition of "Shallow" at the Oscars.
The track, which went on to win Best Original Song at the ceremony, is from the film A Star is Born and it's a romantic duet between the characters portrayed in the drama by Cooper and Gaga.
And... boy, did these two artists sing it in romantic fashion on Sunday evening.
See for yourself:
Most viewers responded to this performance by referencing the clear chemistry between Cooper and Gaga, joking that they should get a room and/or wishing they were a real-life couple.
But Morgan and the former Spice Girl seemed legitimately upset about the duet, expressing as much on something called Good Morning Britain today.
“I felt so uncomfortable for Bradley’s girlfriend, oh my gosh,” Brown said to Morgan, adding:
“I would like to think it was part of the whole performance, because there’s a women’s code and hopefully that’s not … hopefully it’s only professional.”
Hmmm, is there also a women's code that centers around NOT starting salacious rumors, Melanie?
Because that' exactly what you just did here.
For the record, Cooper has been dating supermodel Irina Shayk for four years.
They share a 23-month old daughter together and they walked the red carpet together at this very event.
Yes, Gaga and Christian Carino recently called off their engagement after two years together -- but there's no evidence whatoever that Gaga's relationship with Cooper played any role in this break-up.
Heck, there's actually been chatter that he cheated on her.
Might this just have been a case of two folks so talented that each was nominated for an Oscar... merely acting as if they were in love?
That's not possible, Morgan said on air.
"Lady Gaga taking her engagement ring off - she just broke off from her fiancé - and if you put the math together, you have engagement ring off, and then staring at Bradley Cooper in a way that I would say crosses a few," he actually speculated.
Now, we know no one thinks of Piers Morgan as a hard journalist, but still.
What the heck, dude? This is a wildly irresponsible thing to say.
Shayk, it should be noted, sat front row at the Oscars and cheered on Cooper and Gaga throughout the performance.
We're confident she's secure enough in her romance to not give an eff what Morgan thinks.
Which is really the stance everyone should always take when it comes to Piers Morgan.