In case you somehow haven't heard by now, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry married on Saturday with their loved ones looking on.
Members of Meghan's family weren't there, of course, but we assume they were checking it out on TV if there's nothing else on.
Anyway, Rachel and Henry made it official, and despite the fact that her dress could've used one more fitting, it was perfect.
The ceremony featured all the glitz, glamor and bedazzled, horse-drawn carriages that made previous royal weddings so memorable.
But this time there was a giant elephant in the room in the room, and he's wearing a diaper.
(No, not Meghan's half-brother, although it wouldn't be a terrible guess with that degenerate.)
Just ten weeks after she says "I do," the newly-minuted Duchess of Sussex will turn 37.
That's certainly not old, by any means.
Nor does she look it. Anyone with functioning eyeballs can see that Meghan is a gorgeous woman who could play a character a decade her junior.
Unfortunately, it's a sad fact of human anatomy that the uterus is incapable of fooling a casting director.
That's our very idiotic way of saying that if Harry and Meghan want kids, well, they'd better get to it.
And according to a new report from celebrity news site Radar Online, they're planning to do exactly that.
These days, pregnancies among women 35-44 are on the rise, but that's still considered high risk.
They're aware of this, and they're on it.
“Harry and Meghan want to get pregnant as quickly as possible after their wedding,” a source tells the site.
Not unlike any couple in their mid-30s, “they both know that as Meghan gets older, it can get increasingly harder to conceive."
Moreover, "they are both keenly aware of her vulnerability to health complications and the chance of miscarriage the older she gets.”
And, of course, they're both well aware of what's at stake.
If Meghan produces a male heir within the first year of marriage, her family will be gifted with four stout pack mules and a fowl of their choosing.
If she fails, she'll be locked in the Tower of London, where she'll remain until a knight of virtue true slays the two-headed hydra.
We haven't looked any of this stuff up, but we feel perfectly comfortable putting it out on the internet because we never learned how to be responsible.
In all seriousness, the insider adds that there's "no chance" that Harry would have held off on marrying Meghan if she couldn't bear children.
However, the couple has already consulted with a fertility expert who has assured them that all systems are go in that arena.
Not that we're surprised.
“Meghan has always looked after herself by eating healthily, and doing a lot of exercise including yoga,” says the source.
“Being in optimum health increases any woman’s chances of conceiving, and someone in Meghan’s shape should especially have no problem in that area."
“The only issue is that she knows she is heading for the big 4-0, so knows the sooner she gets pregnant the better.”
As you've probably heard by now, Meghan's siblings and father are all terrible, so it's comforting to know she'll soon have a family of her own.
They say the best revenge is living well.
And the second best revenge is having ridiculously photogenic children, which we're sure they'll produce in short order.