Farrah Abraham made her cam girl sex debut last Wednesday night, and for obvious reasons, the Teen Mom universe is flipping the eff out.
First of all, who knew that cam girls were still a thing.
Second of all ... Farrah Abraham is one? Really?!
Whether fans found this stunt legitimately titillating or morbidly fascinating, the Farrah Abraham live stream self-pleasure-fest was a big hit.
The site that hosted and sponsored this content, CamSoda, crashed as a result of intense interest in the Teen Mom: OG star's show.
More bandwidth had to be added to adjust for the significant amount of traffic Farrah was pulling in - upwards of 70,000 people strong.
That's right, 70,000 viewers went out of their way to tune in to see Farrah Abraham shove a ... sorry, more on that in just a few moments.
In case you're wondering how much a cam girl gets paid for having 70,000 viewers beat ... watch their sensual live performance?
According to Teen Mom Talk Now and TMZ, Farrah earned $9,000 from the show itself, and that’s just from the web traffic stats.
In other words, it's not counting the money that CamSoda may have shelled out to her for appearing on the site in the first place.
Farrah’s "wish list" for the cam show (which is a thing, we're told) included travel, $3,000 for hair, and a $1,000 shopping spree.
The show is also online in its entirety now, so it's likely she may receive additional royalties every time someone spanks ... logs in.
As for what a cam show actually entails - for those of us unable / unwilling to watch this display and sear our eyes permanently?
“It’s so awkward. The way she kept putting her hand in her mouth, the way somebody called her fat (wtf?!)," one Reddit user said.
"The way she can’t figure out her camera angle and blocks it with her foot, the way she got tangled up in her bikini bottoms."
"I don’t think her boobs have feeling. All of it was really bad," the viewer said. "But the worst part was how hard she was trying.”
Her boobs don't have feeling. Interesting analysis.
Other users also did God's work by transcribing some of Farrah’s more epic quotes during the show, like “Let’s just look at my p---y.”
Let's not and say we did. Howbowdah?
“Can we turn on some sexy music? I wanna squirt,” Farrah actually said at one point, which started to make viewers cringe.
As another Reddit user described it:
“It makes me uncomfortable not because of who it is doing what she is doing, but because she was so disjointed and uncomfortable."
"I’m all about the hustle, but you could absolutely tell she was under some influence and without it probably wouldn’t have done it at all.”
That's a serious and unfounded claim - that Farrah wasn't sober and may have been coerced into this - but a lot of people believe it.
Another viewer commented, saying that she knows this from experience, “She is drunk. I had to be drunk or high everytime I cammed too."
"Idk why she’s struggling with her camera angle so bad."
"She most likely just had her laptop on a bed with her.”
Another viewer who had a lot to say about it? None other than her notorious Internet troll ex, the incomparable Simon Saran.
Said Simon of the so-called Farrah Abraham sex tape (which is kind of a misnomer, but we also don't know what else to call it):
“If getting back into the sex industry is what’s best for her and her daughter’s future, then I hope she is making the best decision for them."
"Congrats to her.”
One gets the impression there may be some sarcasm implied in that statement. Just a hunch. Maybe we're reading too much into it.
Farrah's mom Debra Danielsen called her out as well, saying the whole spectacle left her at a loss for words. No argument there, Deb.
"I had no clue," she said. "I’m speechless. I know my daughter has been trying to change her image. She’s been doing professional things."
Hey now. Not unlike dabbling with businessmen, being a cam girl is a professional thing - one that pays five figures an hour, plus perks!
Think about it.