The Bachelorette Recap: DeMario-MFG No He Didn't!

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With Memorial Day kicking off the unofficial start of summer, a seasonal tradition - The Bachelorette Season 13 - is back and in full swing.

(And The Bachelorette spoilers already tell us who wins ... so don't click the link if you don't want to know how it all plays out).

You sure as heck don't need spoilers to tell you this much:

Rachel Lindsay's journey for love will not be drama-free or eye-roll free with this collection of dudes vying for love (and screen time).

Honestly, this has got to be hands down the craziest crop of guys ever assembled on the hit reality TV franchise ... for better or worse. 

Case in point: DeMario Jackson.

The shenanigans this guy pulled - which are not over yet, after last night's cliffhanger - may well go down as the most brazen in history.

We'll get to that shortly ... but DMJ will not be who Rachel Lindsay picks this season, we'll go ahead and spoil that for you right here.

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher Selfie

Not even Bachelor superfans Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis could save this underwhelming crew from itself, but due credit for trying.

The group date task was a “husband material” obstacle course that put the guys to the test ... and tested viewers' patience, as well.

One lowlight? Lucas "Whaboomed" in front of Ashton and Mila, which at least made Rachel feel so sorry for him she gave him a kiss.

That strategy can't work over the long haul, can it? In any event, the group date rose went to Dean, who also got a first kiss with Rachel.

Peter Kraus then got things very much back on track with a one-on-one date in which he and his gap tooth charmed Rachel to no end.

He is one to watch this season.

Peter, 31

Peter got the rose, and it's almost a surprise he didn't earn a whole bouquet based on how wonderful their date was from start to finish.

Lindsay's second group date Monday night was with Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, and yes, DeMario Jackson.

DeMario was the guy that Rachel’s friends warned her about in The Bachelorette season premiere. Oh, the foreshadowing by producers!

The group date featured a cameo from Kareem Abdul Jabbar and some bad basketball, though DeMario showcased some hoop skills.

Life skills are a different story, however.

After the game, a girl named Lexi approached Rachel while the guys were in the locker room, revealing herself as ... DeMario’s girlfriend.

DeMario

To hear Lexi tell it, the two were dating for about seven months until he just disappeared and stopped answering her texts and calls.

She had no idea what had happened to him until she saw him meeting Rachel on The Bachelor: After the Final Rose special in March.

If you recall, one of Lindsay's many franchise firsts was that she met some of her men on the finale of Nick's season. DeMario included.

Well, Lexi was PISSED, and Rachel did her best to handle the awkward situation with class as she retrieved DeMario to explain himself.

He did not do a very good job.

Trapped in lie after lie, he pretended not to know Lexi at first, then called her “psycho,” then dismissed the relationship as merely sexual.

DeMario Jackson Pic

Then he pretended that he had mailed Lexi’s keys and broken up with her in person, though her texts proved this was not the situation.

In a cringe-worthy moment, he admitted that they had enjoyed “sexual intercourse," but the situation isn't as bad as it looks. Or something.

He asked if they could talk off-camera because this was “some personal life stuff,” but Rachel wasn't having that for one second.

“I believe you want to be here, I just don’t think you want to be here for me," she told him after he insisted he wanted to be there.

"Let me tell you something: I’m not here to be played. I’m not here to be made a joke of, which is what I feel like you’re doing right now."

"So I’m really going to need you to get the f--k out. I don’t like being f--king embarrassed, and I can’t even look at you right now.”

Dammmmmmn!

Rachel The Bachelorette

Eventually, he left in shame; Josiah ultimately got the rose and Rachel did some more kisses in as the other guys expressed sympathy.

The silver lining, as she noted, was that as bad as DeMario was, the other guys really stepped up afterward to prove their true intentions.

In the closing moments, however, DeMario decided that he simply could not depart without having one last conversation with Rachel.

Security agreed ... to bring in the venerable Chris Harrison to decide if he should in fact be allowed such a privilege after his conduct.

As the credits began to roll, the other guys got wind of hisreturn and rushed outside because DeMario "needs to get his ass whooped."

Now that's a cliffhanger.

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