The Bachelorette is about to begin its 13th season on ABC.
While we've yet to see a single episode, Rachel Lindsay's epic journey for love has just concluded with a final rose ceremony in Spain.
Customarily, The Bachelor spoilers have already leaked.
Hands in the air if you're surprised ... hello? Anyone?!
There are no hands in the air because The Bachelorette spoilers leaking before the season begins, let alone ends, is a foregone conclusion.
It's even more of a given than the winners of the previous season breaking up, which is really saying something given the show's history!
We apologize for the pessimism in what should be an uplifting time, but we tell it like it is, and they're batting around .070. Just saying.
Anyway, back to the lecture at hand, as Snoop would say:
Starting Monday night, more than two dozen guys will arrive at the Bachelor mansion to begin their formal courtship with Chris Harrison.
Er, sorry. With Rachel Lindsay. Here's the full lineup"
Soon, she will begin to pare down the field until only a few contenders are left and, eventually, a final rose recipient is selected.
To the surprise of no one, Reality Steve (a.k.a. the Soothsayer of The Bachelorette spoilers) has already uncovered the scoop.
As a result of his sleuthing, we can confirm who Rachel has already gone on hometown dates with, and who gets cut after that.
Moreover, we can tell you who among her final three guys walks away from the finale engaged to the beautiful attorney from Dallas.
Ready to find out exactly who the final four are, and whose life will be intensely scrutinized as soon as the season finale airs?
The four dudes who make it to hometowns are:
1. Dean Unglert (above). He is a startup recruiter who has his mother's initials tattooed on his chest. Will he add "RL" next?!
2. Bryan Abasolo (above). Dr. Bryan, as he is sometimes referred to, is a chiropractor who has spoken Spanish since he was a child.
Talk about a cool and useful skill set. Will it be part of the whole package that lands him in the winner's circle, or will it be ...
3. Eric Bigger (above). This is a personal trainer who considers himself to be somewhat of a neat freak. We all have our neuroses.
Also, he is jacked out of his mind. Like, shredded. Do you even lift?! We're guessing he does ... but seriously, is that an eight-pack!?
4. Peter Kraus (above). This is a business owner who has a fear of heights, according to his oh-so-revealing ABC biography.
A quartet of worthy contenders, to be sure, so you know when it came down to the final three, Rachel had a tough decision.
Which three to take on overnight dates (read: take into the Fantasy Suite for sexiness), and which one to send home alone?
Dean Unglert, according to Steve, is eliminated, at this stage, but rest assured, he'll be off to Bachelor in Paradise. Phew.
That leaves us with a final three of Eric Bigger, Peter Kraus and Bryan Abasolo, all of whom meet Lindsay's family in Dallas.
So, the million dollar question: Who will win the final rose, and become Rachel's fiance at season's end (if she picks one)?!
Bryan Abasolo. Rachel is engaged to Bryan Abasolo.
It's still not clear who made the final two, or where the exit of the third-place finisher occurred, but Bryan wins, and proposed in Spain.
As always, in Reality Steve's own words, this is a lock.
The man's track record speaks for itself. Yes, he has been wrong before, but very rarely so, and he'll cheerfully admit when he is.
He's simply spot-on accurate almost always.
So between now and early August, when we expect the season finale will air, expect a whole lot of rumors, half-truths and misdirection.
Maybe there will in fact be a mammoth twist that blows The Bachelorette spoilers above to smithereens at the last second.
We just wouldn't bet on it.
Granted, as those who follow this stuff religiously know, Steve initially told us Peter Kraus would take home the final rose, not Bryan.
That prediction? Well, it's now been amended.
We'll have more episodic details, spoilers and specifics about how everything plays out once they become available next week and beyond.
We'll also update this with any twists or inaccuracies that need correcting or addendums. Again, though, we don't anticipate the former.
As for whether love will last for Ms. Lindsay?
We would not bet on it, that's for darn sure. Which is not a knock on Rachel, but simply a commentary on the show and its track record.
Please, prove us wrong, Rachel and Bryan!