What do Scott Disick and Don Draper have in common?
Several things, actually:
They're both blackout drunks; they both have trouble keeping it in their pants; and the equipment that they struggle to keep sheathed is the subject of endless fascination on the Internet.
Yes, the year is young, but it looks like we already have a winner for the 2017 Jon Hamm Giant Penis Award.
The Lord himself, Scott Disick, stepped out wearing a pair of flattering sweatpants recently, and the world was immediately reminded that you can't spell "Disick" with D-I-C-K.
You can check out Scott's package for yourself, or you can enjoy several hundred words of in-depth analysis below.
Seems like an obvious choice, if you ask us:
Like the Bieber Wang before it, the Disick Dong proves that a genetic link between douchiness and
So if you're a young woman who's considering kicking your habit of dating self-obsessed jack-holes and finding yourself one of those mythical "nice guys" - don't do it!
Is the increase in your peace of mind worth the the absence of an extra-large helping of manmeat in your life?
We think not.
Sure, there's been talk of Orlando Bloom having a bigger penis than Justin, but that might be the exception that proves the rule.
Citing that example is like saying, "Where's your climate change now, Obummer?" on a cold day in January.
We have no choice but to defer to the scientific community on such important and complex matters, and right now, all we know is that 100% of the two biggest jerk-asses in Hollywood are packing between the legs.
Now, you might be saying to yourself, "Oh, what about Jon Hamm? I heard he's a nice guy."
To which we reply, "You're wrong, and Hamm is reportedly kind of a DB."
We rest our case.
Anyway, let's get to the really important matter here, which is what all this tells us about Kourtney Kardashian's vagina:
In short: it's clearly magic.
The latest reports have Kourtney hooking up with Bieber again, just weeks after her latest reconciliation with Disick crashed and burned.
When two of the industry's most sizable douche dongs just can't stay away from your hoo-hah, you're clearly working with something special down here.
We'll have further updates on these supernatural celebrity genitals as more information becomes available.