In recent weeks we’ve brought you the ramblings of Bill Simmons, a.k.a. The Sports Guy on ESPN.com. But it turns out there’s more to Bill’s love of pop culture than we previously believed. His wife, affectionately termed the Sports Gal, weighs in on everyone’s favorite brainwashed celeb couple, TomKat, in his latest column! Here’s what she had to say:
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Last Saturday afternoon I took our daughter to La Cienega Park in Beverly Hills. There was a kid’s soccer game going on and I noticed a big circle of paparazzi crunching around two people. So we moved towards them and it was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!
The first thing I noticed was that they were the same height — he must have been wearing lifts and either she was wearing flats or he had her ankles removed. No way they’re the same height. His hips were five inches higher than her hips. But I ended up feeling really bad for them. The photographers were literally two feet from their face and moving as they moved. They just wanted to watch his kid’s soccer game.
Then I was thinking about Katie and what her life is like — she just lost the baby weight and probably still feels fat all the time, but every time she leaves her house, she has to look good enough to be photographed from two feet away. This would drive me nuts and now I understand why most female celebrities end up being nuts. No wonder Kate Bosworth hasn’t eaten since 2003. I also felt bad for the other kids in the game.
They’re just trying to play soccer and then 40,000 photographers show up. That’s not fair. All the celeb kids should be forced to play in celeb youth leagues so normal kids can play soccer in peace. Celeb kids are just going to be screwed-up adults some day, it’s not like they have a chance. Normal kids do.
Anyway, I felt bad for Tom and Katie for two days until Bill showed me how they were sitting in the front row of the Redskins game and obviously hoping to get shown on TV over and over again. Now I’m wondering if they alerted the paparazzi ahead of time about the soccer game. They probably did. I hate Hollywood. We need to get out of here.