This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.
Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!
How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!
The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.
"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.
Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.
Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.
Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.
Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.
The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.
JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.The next morning, Jenni finally got ahold of Roger, who said he didn't have a phone and that's why he took the day off. Sketchy, and she knows it. Minus 1.
Snooki attempts to master the art of sitting in a hammock. Fail. Minus 5.
Snooki cleans the Smush Room bed. Plus 15 for even attempting that, but Minus 40 for the imagery of some of the things that have probably gone on there.
Snooki finds a hiding spot on the deck. Very stealthy. Plus 27.
Snooki complains about sunlight and mused that it's always dark in Arkansas. Minus 10 because that's not even true, and Minus 30 because she meant Alaska. Probably.
Vinny' smush with the backup girl was average. Good to know. Minus 5.
"Released some demons, you know."- Vinny. Gross. Minus 13.
Deena and Snooki decide to skip out on their shift at the Shore Store. BOLD move, since it's not actually a real job and the store only "hires" them for PR. Minus 10.
"Danny's such an annoying." - Deena. At least he's not trying to "do sex." Plus 8.
Pauly D has an encounter with his new stalker. Bosnian Grilled Cheese set the bar pretty high, so this girl had better be aware of what an elite club she's in. Plus 4.
Are stalkers required to wear the same thing every day? Plus 3.
Roger told Jen he'd be an hour late for their date, which they canceled, as JWoww ripped him a new one without him having a chance to respond. Minus 8.
No Sammi and Ronnie drama to speak of, at least! Plus 22.
In a turn of events, Sitch went out for a drink with Deena and Snooki. Who he wants to ruin ... about half the time. Dude's moods are hard to predict, but Plus 5.
"A leopard never sheds its stripes." - Deena, on Sitch. SO true. Plus 20.
The Situation teases Deena about becoming brother-and sister-in-law, but then gets nervous when Deena's sister calls the house. Plus 9 for the expression above.
Imagine Mike being your brother-in-law, though. Exactly. Minus 5.
Danny tells Deena and Snooki that if they get fired, they'll have to leave the Seaside house. Minus 8 because there is absolutely no way MTV's letting that happen.
Pauly D and Vinny run into JWoww's boyfriend at the gym. Dude's not small. Plus 2. He's also not backing down after the way she acted, he tells them. Plus 3.
JWoww decides to swallow her pride and apologize to Roger. Plus 30. The call (and episode) ended with an ultimatum: "So what's it going to be?" Dun dun dun!
EPISODE TOTAL: +17! SEASON TOTAL: +174!
Jersey Shore ...