Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.

Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.

"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.

Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.

Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.

Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.

Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.

The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.

JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.

This week, the Jersey Shore gang was intact again - "Vinny's home, bitches!" - but the joy of being a family again quickly gave way to a new set of problems.

Both mental and physical.

Snooki legit peed herself (and worse), while Mike began acting very un-Mike-like and even level-headed JWoww experienced some drama with her BF Roger.

How did it play out after the team got Vinny back and returned to throw it town in Seaside Heights? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny unpacks after returning to the shore house. Good to be back! Plus 7.

Snooki was so excited she "legit" peed herself on the dance floor and rushed off into the restroom to grab some body spray for her kooka area (above). Minus 70.

Deena gets quasi-electrocuted trying to fix her hair extensions. Plus 9.

The following day, Snooki made sure to put on two pairs of underwear in case she had another "accident." In the daytime. Snooki is officially a toddler. Plus 14.

This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

You knew there would be some drama this week on Jersey Shore.

After all, Vinny Guadagnino peaced out of the house and half the crew didn't even know yet, so the reality of their "soul" returning to Staten Island was yet to sink in.

There were also two birthdays and two fools celebrating Meatball Day, which should really become some sort of holiday from now on, at least at The Hollywood Gossip.

How did it all play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Deena breaks down when she hears about Vinny. "He was like, my soul," she says. Really? Your soul? Do you even know what that is? We love Vin but Minus 7.

"I'm going to smash this tattoo chick in my man Vinny's bed tonight, in honor of him leaving the house." - Pauly D with one of the best Jersey Shore quotes to date. Plus 30.

"It is what it is, I'm used to it," says a mature Jenni, who HAS to be the one that implodes at some point, right? She's been way too stable of late. Still, Plus 15.

The Situation speaks Italian with Pauly D's girl. Impressive? Sleazy? Eh, Wash.

Vinny returns home to his family. His mom greets him not with joy and warmth, but by telling him to go to bed. Wasn't expecting the cameras, probably. Plus 5.

Isn't that why he came back, too? To be told what to do by his mom? Minus 5.

"Meatball Day" ends badly for Deena and Snooki. Plus 20, because with those two, it can't possibly end "well" in the conventional sense. They go hard. Respect.

Deena rips out her hair extensions. You mean she's not all-natural?! Minus 10.

"When tha pimp's in da crib, drop it like it's hot." - Snoop Dogg

The above quote means absolutely nothing, but The Situation from Jersey Shore is being sued for screwing over an apparel company called Serious Pimp, and Snoop apparently endorses some of their products ... so there's that.

Serious Pimp is slapping Sitch with a lawsuit claiming the reality star made a deal to promote its t-shirts on the show, Facebook, Twitter and various other places.

According to the lawsuit, Mike Sorrentino and his brother had the right to approve the t-shirt designs, but never said yay or nay. They just disappeared, allegedly.

With the $25,000 advance he got.

Serious Pimp planned on co-partnering with The Situation to make a bundle on the shirts, so they want that advance back as well as compensation for lost profit.

Maybe The Unit is available to fill in?

[Photo: WENN.com]

Despite being back in the Garden State, and not even two hours away from his beloved family, and despite having reunited with them during last week's Jersey Shore Season 5 premiere, Vinny Guadagnino just could not snap out of his "funk."

We feel for Vin in a sense. Sure, he is a total mama's boy. But coming home after filming Season 4 in the mother land, the cast was given NO time off to decompress. Thrown immediately back into the cesspool that is Seaside, anyone might lose their mind.

Come along as we break down last night's Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation reunites with an old flame. Who is actually pretty good looking. We really thought Sitch only threw himself on land mines and grenades. And Snook, who may be hydrogen bomb material by the gang's metrics. Plus 10.

Snooki and Ryder get caught in the rain. They do not like it. We're impressed they can even feel such things with a BAC perpetually over .20. Plus 5.

Unlikeliest bromance ever: The Situation loans Jionni some dry clothes, and in return, Snooki's BF cooks him late-night breakfast. LOL. Plus 13.

“We share a girl, we can share underwear,” he says. Revolting. Minus 5.

Vinny opens up to his boss about his struggles with anxiety. Aww. Jersey Shore after school special anyone? Mental health issues are important! Plus 7.

Please, though, can we drop the pretense that Danny is an actual boss and working at the Shore Store is a real job? These are celebrities now. Minus 18.

Booze. Smooshing. Fights. More Booze. Grenades. Kooka.

They get on our nerves at times, but like family members, we're not ashamed to admit we the Jersey Shore crew and their unique brand of crazineess, even if the fourth season concluded a mere two months ago. Welcome back to America, brah.

Throughout much of last season in Italy, Mike was trying to insert himself in Snooki, and Snooki's relationship with Jionni. That was pretty much the case again in the Season 5 premiere Thursday night, at least the latter part. So what went down?

Come along for THG's official recap, +/- style!!

The roommates head back home and begin filming Season 5 in N.J. immediately, a move MTV said was to "preserve chemistry." More like not allow the ticking time bomb any opportunity to reset. Plus 10 for the viewers who benefit.

As they run up the stairs to the Seaside house, it's like they never left. We feel strangely at home there too by now, even if we feel the need to bathe in hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol after watching each episode. Plus 5.

The first hours back at the Shore are spent: Downing pickle juice (Snook, Plus 5), downing Ron Ron Juice (All, Plus 5), dry humping (Vinny and Pauly, a little over the top, but Plus 1) and a strollin' on the boardwalk (Plus 4). Like old times.

"I'm tanorexic, bro." - Pauly D, about to get his GTL on. Plus 3.

Abercrombie & Fitch is trying to end their ongoing feud with Jersey Shore star The Situation, asking a judge to dismiss his lawsuit against the clothing retailer.

If you recall, the ongoing war between Sitch and A&F began back in August when A&F publicly offered to pay The Situation NOT to wear its overpriced duds.

A month later, Sitch (real name Mike Sorrentino) sued them, claiming it ripped off his "GTL" and "Situation" trademarks on a line of guido-mocking t-shirts.

Now, A&F is trying to put an end to the back-and-forth, claiming he had no right to sue them in the first place because he doesn't own those very trademarks.

He has applied for them, but doesn't own them. Big, legal difference there.

Moreover, A&F claims The Situation's application for "Gym Tan Laundry" has actually been suspended, because MTV already owns "Gym Tanning Laundry."

The US Patent & Trademark Office thinks they're too similar. Makes sense.

Trademarks aside, A&F insists its shirts are still protected under a law that allows parody as free speech ... in other words, the shirts are a harmless joke.

Their legal argument is basically that Sitch is full of crap and can't take a joke. The Jersey Shore star has yet to respond ... but watch the Season 5 trailer:

Jersey Shore Season 5 Trailer

Snooki may not know that Europe is a continent, but she knows enough to save for a rainy day. She extolled the virtues of stockpiling earnings in a recent interview.

She also implied that one of her co-stars - The Situation - is flat broke.

"I save it," Snooki tells GQ of the bank she earns. "Jersey Shore is going to end soon. I'm not going to spend money like Mike [The Situation]. He's already broke!"

In the past, Sitch has claimed that any extravagances he displays - cars, jewelry - are gifts or loans from various endorsement deals. But could it be that he's already flushed his millions down the drain even faster than his morals?

It's certainly possible, as the cast of Jersey Shore (which returns for Season 5 in February) are not the brightest bulbs around. But that being said, it's probably unwise to assume Snooki knows what the heck she's talking about.

Maybe Snooki's just trying to get revenge on him for the drama in Italy ...

Jersey Shore Sneak Peek - Bottles Flying

Think Mike & Snooki hit it last season?

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is setting the record straight about his alleged smush session with co-star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. He never got it in, however ...

"We didn't sleep together," he told Chelsea Handler, contradicting what he said on the fourth season premiere of Jersey Shore. "But we did something else."

"Well, I didn't do anything. She did something."

When the comic host asked her buff guest to dish on the hookup, she likely didn't expect she would hear that specific an explanation, but hey, Sitch calls it like it is.

Mostly. He also lies and stirs up drama quite a lot. As for Snooks, her boyfriend must be so proud that she went down on Mike and boned Vinny while they were dating.

Snooki has also denied sleeping with Sitch, so it looks like the truth is out ... though we're not sure how kindly she'll take to him blabbing about the details yet again.

We know how well that went over the last time ...

Jersey Shore Sneak Peek - Bottles Flying