Jenni 'JWOWW' Farley

This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.

Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.

"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.

Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.

Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.

Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.

Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.

The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.

JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.

After Hoboken passed, Jersey City, New Jersey's second largest city, is rolling out the reality TV welcome mat for Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore fame.

Jersey City is just a few miles south of Hoboken and across the Hudson River from New York City, so it's essentially the same locale for the classy gals.

Permits were issued for filming a Jersey Shore spinoff starring Snooki and JWoww. Filming is expected to begin this month in the Grove Street Path area.

Nearby Hoboken last week denied the permit, citing safety and quality of life concerns for residents of the city. Its neighbor turned out to be more receptive.

Jersey City Mayor Jerramiah Healy says he believes the show is an opportunity to promote the city, and can be pulled off without adverse effects on taxpayers.

City spokeswoman Jennifer Morrill says the cast and crew must obey all laws and that producers must foot the bill for police to reduce impact on the public.

Fellow cast member Pauly D's spinoff, The Pauly D Project, is set to premiere March 29. As far we we know, the Snooki-JWoww project remains untitled.

This week, the Jersey Shore gang was intact again - "Vinny's home, bitches!" - but the joy of being a family again quickly gave way to a new set of problems.

Both mental and physical.

Snooki legit peed herself (and worse), while Mike began acting very un-Mike-like and even level-headed JWoww experienced some drama with her BF Roger.

How did it play out after the team got Vinny back and returned to throw it town in Seaside Heights? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny unpacks after returning to the shore house. Good to be back! Plus 7.

Snooki was so excited she "legit" peed herself on the dance floor and rushed off into the restroom to grab some body spray for her kooka area (above). Minus 70.

Deena gets quasi-electrocuted trying to fix her hair extensions. Plus 9.

The following day, Snooki made sure to put on two pairs of underwear in case she had another "accident." In the daytime. Snooki is officially a toddler. Plus 14.

Snooki and JWoww need a new place to set up a smush room shop.

The classy gals' new Jersey Shore spinoff just hit a snag after Hoboken, New Jersey's film commission voted (unanimously) to deny permits to film in the city.

The Mayor of Hoboken, Dawn Zimmer, said the decision was made by officials "based on protecting public safety and quality of life concerns for Hoboken residents."

According to the mayor, there's a list of problems with a 24-hour permit in Hoboken, such as a policy that prohibits ALL filming after 11 p.m. in residential areas.

Explaining the decision, the mayor says that filming would result in an "unacceptable lessening of the quality of life for the local residents and businesses."

No, not due to pickle shortages.

Traffic, noisy crowds, and completely disrupting day-to-day life would likely be real problems, though, so the city decided to give the Jersey Shore stars the axe.

Of course, Snooki and JWoww, plus all their crew, can also stimulate a local economy, so the good could outweigh the bad ... is booting them really smart?

Eh, most likely.

[Photo: WENN.com]

This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

You knew there would be some drama this week on Jersey Shore.

After all, Vinny Guadagnino peaced out of the house and half the crew didn't even know yet, so the reality of their "soul" returning to Staten Island was yet to sink in.

There were also two birthdays and two fools celebrating Meatball Day, which should really become some sort of holiday from now on, at least at The Hollywood Gossip.

How did it all play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Deena breaks down when she hears about Vinny. "He was like, my soul," she says. Really? Your soul? Do you even know what that is? We love Vin but Minus 7.

"I'm going to smash this tattoo chick in my man Vinny's bed tonight, in honor of him leaving the house." - Pauly D with one of the best Jersey Shore quotes to date. Plus 30.

"It is what it is, I'm used to it," says a mature Jenni, who HAS to be the one that implodes at some point, right? She's been way too stable of late. Still, Plus 15.

The Situation speaks Italian with Pauly D's girl. Impressive? Sleazy? Eh, Wash.

Vinny returns home to his family. His mom greets him not with joy and warmth, but by telling him to go to bed. Wasn't expecting the cameras, probably. Plus 5.

Isn't that why he came back, too? To be told what to do by his mom? Minus 5.

"Meatball Day" ends badly for Deena and Snooki. Plus 20, because with those two, it can't possibly end "well" in the conventional sense. They go hard. Respect.

Deena rips out her hair extensions. You mean she's not all-natural?! Minus 10.

Despite being back in the Garden State, and not even two hours away from his beloved family, and despite having reunited with them during last week's Jersey Shore Season 5 premiere, Vinny Guadagnino just could not snap out of his "funk."

We feel for Vin in a sense. Sure, he is a total mama's boy. But coming home after filming Season 4 in the mother land, the cast was given NO time off to decompress. Thrown immediately back into the cesspool that is Seaside, anyone might lose their mind.

Come along as we break down last night's Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation reunites with an old flame. Who is actually pretty good looking. We really thought Sitch only threw himself on land mines and grenades. And Snook, who may be hydrogen bomb material by the gang's metrics. Plus 10.

Snooki and Ryder get caught in the rain. They do not like it. We're impressed they can even feel such things with a BAC perpetually over .20. Plus 5.

Unlikeliest bromance ever: The Situation loans Jionni some dry clothes, and in return, Snooki's BF cooks him late-night breakfast. LOL. Plus 13.

“We share a girl, we can share underwear,” he says. Revolting. Minus 5.

Vinny opens up to his boss about his struggles with anxiety. Aww. Jersey Shore after school special anyone? Mental health issues are important! Plus 7.

Please, though, can we drop the pretense that Danny is an actual boss and working at the Shore Store is a real job? These are celebrities now. Minus 18.

Booze. Smooshing. Fights. More Booze. Grenades. Kooka.

They get on our nerves at times, but like family members, we're not ashamed to admit we the Jersey Shore crew and their unique brand of crazineess, even if the fourth season concluded a mere two months ago. Welcome back to America, brah.

Throughout much of last season in Italy, Mike was trying to insert himself in Snooki, and Snooki's relationship with Jionni. That was pretty much the case again in the Season 5 premiere Thursday night, at least the latter part. So what went down?

Come along for THG's official recap, +/- style!!

The roommates head back home and begin filming Season 5 in N.J. immediately, a move MTV said was to "preserve chemistry." More like not allow the ticking time bomb any opportunity to reset. Plus 10 for the viewers who benefit.

As they run up the stairs to the Seaside house, it's like they never left. We feel strangely at home there too by now, even if we feel the need to bathe in hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol after watching each episode. Plus 5.

The first hours back at the Shore are spent: Downing pickle juice (Snook, Plus 5), downing Ron Ron Juice (All, Plus 5), dry humping (Vinny and Pauly, a little over the top, but Plus 1) and a strollin' on the boardwalk (Plus 4). Like old times.

"I'm tanorexic, bro." - Pauly D, about to get his GTL on. Plus 3.

JWoww from Jersey Shore has released a set of promotional photos from JWoww by Perfect Ten, her swimwear line. All we have to say is ... nothing. Words fail us.

Seriously, you won't have a tan line, but you may need a defibrillator.

Also known as Jenni Farley, the reality star just launched her own line of bikinis to combat the troublesome suntan sitch, and modeled them in these here pictures:

JWoww shows off her surgically enhanced curves - she makes no apology about them either - in the sexy new promo shots for JWoww by Perfect Tan Bikini.

These give women the option to remove bikini straps without the rest of the top falling off, thanks to a silicon based adhesive activated by body temperature.

Across New Jersey, women with gigantic fake boobs are celebrating.

The line will be available in early Spring 2012, just in time to get your crunk on at the shore. What do you think? Click to enlarge more JWoww pictures below:

[Photos: JWoww By Perfect Ten Bikini]

JWoww and the rest of her guido/ette castmates are back in the U.S.A. (see Jersey Shore Season 5 trailer) and making their presence felt in a big way.

Case in point: Her January cover of Maxim.

The reality star, real name Jenni Farley, says the men's mag cover is by far her biggest career accomplishment yet. Aside from getting plastic surgery on her face - KIDDING! Probably ... - she might be right. Care to disagree after ogling?

Seriously. Look at those things. Unreal.

"I cried when I found out," she says in an interview. "I was jumping up and down and totally bugging out. This is probably my highest accomplishment."

Now entering its fifth season, Jersey Shore has changed over the years, and JWoww admits the cast's recent stint in Italy was not always an easy one.

“It was whack! There was no tanning situation," she said.

"I opened JWoww’s Tanning Salon and was spraying everyone myself just to get by. When we got back to Jersey, we kind of OD’d on the tanning."

As for her love life? Just blame her ex Tom Lippolis.

"I was in a bad relationship during the first two seasons, so I took that out on people I shouldn't have," she said. "I was definitely more of a bitch."