The Hills Returns: Cat Fights, Rumors, Drama & Love

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"I literally feel, like, one of my friends... died."
- LC

After all this time, and hype, the much-anticipated season three premiere of MTV's The Hills didn't disappoint. For the most part.

Fake Girl

Monday's debut sure didn't waste any time bringing viewers inside the epic war between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, while properly (and blatantly) introducing each side's supporters.

Whitney Port - now a full-time employee and Lauren's supervisor at Teen Vogue - and Audrina Partridge are so on Team LC, while Montag's devilish boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, is Team Heidi's president, vice president, and PR coordinator.

Giving the people what they want, MTV began the year with a cat fight we knew happened, but have been wanting to see on film for moths, as a tipsy Lauren - enraged over rumors of her sex tape making the rounds - and Heidi hurled insults at each other outside Les Deux.

Lauren is convinced, right or wrong, that Heidi and Spencer started and spread the rumor of her making a sex video with ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler.

The gist of Lauren's position on the matter, as told to Heidi Montag: "You know what you did! You know what you did! You're a sad, pathetic person!"

That about covers it.

"I could just never imagine hating someone so much that you'd do something like that to them," Lauren Conrad said later, reflecting on the incident.

Oh well. She has other things to worry about, like meeting the boy du jour at the club, and whether or not to criticize Audrina's boy, a mumbling, biker, hippie-type who she dated off and on a few years back and doesn't say much.

We heart Lauren, but at the same time, we wonder if she's not - at least at times - taking out some of her own frustrations and insecurities on her friends. 

Yes, Spencer Pratt sucks, but LC's lack of interest in Audrina's man (however uninteresting he seems), has us thinking that she is incapable of being happy for her friends.

Who knows if this will be an ongoing trend. Here's hoping Lauren Conrad can turn her own love life and friendships around in the coming weeks.

Whether or not Heidi and Spencer are responsible for the sex tape rumors may never be known, but Lauren was visibly shaken up by the incident.

At the end of the second of two new episodes airing last night, LC turned to a person who would never double-cross her: mom Kathy Conrad.

Looking and talking similarly to Lauren, Kathy Conrad expressed concern that her daughter is getting too caught up in the Hollywood scene. Focus on school and work and the good friends you have, Mrs. C advises LC at the family's Laguna Beach estate. Wisely.

Oh, and there's the matter of Heidi and Spencer's home life. Genuine or not, these two are dead set on presenting a picture of undying (and nauseating) love for each other.

Despite Spencer's idea that passive-aggressive remarks, graffiti-laden living room walls (did he do that himself?) and a beer bash constitute the beacon of domestic tranquility, Heidi is head over heels for this guy.

Or pretending to be, and doing a good job. We're not sure.

Late in the second episode of the night, despite the rigorous objections of Brody Jenner, Spencer stepped up to the plate and offered Heidi a fat engagement ring. Of course, we've known for months that they're engaged, so it kind of killed the mood.

That and the fact that it's an acne-riddled, gnarly Spencer Pratt bumbling through a jewelry store and "proposing" on a Santa Barbara beach. Did we mention there was no actual proposal shown (or accepted) - just an awkward offering of a huge ass ring?

Bad editing? Completely fake proposal? Who knows. As for what's next, it looks like Audrina and her man are getting serious, and LC is out to score herself a new man.

Note to the producers: Give us more Whitney Port! In addition to her profound wisdom, she's the only character not tainted by excessive celebrity news attention.

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Well this is to Lauren. Although Heidi really didn't back you up on the rumors, you should just let it go and give her another chance. your a woman now and that is just high school drama. If they really did it carma's a bitch and I think you are such a bright person so just give her ane last chance like you did for everyone else. Be the bigger person or you will always have that empty spot.You are my romodel so I hope you can keep that trophey.

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i sat on the same table with kathy conrad at the irvine improv comedy club. she's very down to earth

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Lauren forget spiedi and just do your thing, you are doing great.

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Heidi and spencer are a huge joke. They are trying to create "drama" to stay in the taploids.
Before the hills and before LC, noone even knew who heidi and spencer were.... As for heidi saying "LC couldn't get into clubs without her" Is a joke also. LC is the star of the most watched reality show on mtv right now...She would have no problem getting in where ever she wanted... As for heidi, Without LC noone would know or even care who she was, And thats including her "fiance" spencer.

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jonelle, obviously you have not been following the news lately. although the episode did not show proof, but LC probably has good reason to think they started the rumors. They have friends in common plus one of their friend reported to US weekly that he saw spencer call tmz about the tape. It has also been reported that Perez Hilton got the info based on spencer. Spencer and Heidi admitted to the fact that they think there is a tape and he admitted on his blog that he started the rumor. Plus, these idiots have been trying to trash LC all summer. They did an interview with in touch weekly where he stated that LC wanted to date him first, she could not get into club w/out heidi. I did think that this episode show that LC needs to chill on her friends boyfriends. I love Lauren, Whitney and Lo. Audrina is a hand toss (i mean she seems really densed) and I cannot stand Speidi. Looking forward to seeing more brody and the frankie character.

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SPENCER IS AH JERK AND HEIDI IS AN IDIOT!! THEM 2 DESRVES EACHOTHER.. LAUREN IS 2 GOOD OF A PERSON AND DOES NOT DESERVE ANY OF THEM!!! KEEP DOIN UR THANG LAUREN!!

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Talk about full of *hit!!! Speidi are trying so hard to get a newlywed show from MTV, which I am so sure no one would watch, cause they are so boring..... and what a jerk Pratt is, he wouldn't even let his Airhead gurl pick out a color for their 2x2 hole in the wall apt. She is so pretending to l-o-v-e him. There is no way that girl loves that jerk. She's in it for the ride, just like him. He is so dumping the airhead, once her album goes down the drain. Talk about WANNABEESSSS..
LC has too much class. She comes from a wealthy and well grounded background. She is of superior birth compare to these losers..

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it's "JUSTIN BOBBY"

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Okay... I just want to say one thing about lauren not being happy for her friends... did you see "Justin BOB"? did you hear what he had done prior to Lauren even meeting him? I think based on the info she has of the rat looking thing, she has every single right to tell her best friend what she thinks. That guy was just plain old scary.