Spencer Pratt

What is this, 2009?

Spencer Pratt tried to make amends with Lauren Conrad on her 26th birthday via Twitter Wednesday, but the fashion designer and former Hills star isn't listening.

"Lauren has moved past all the drama," a source close to LC says. "She's focusing on her career and barely has time to interact with the people she actually likes."

"Why would she want to back in touch with Spencer Pratt?"

A fair point. Why would anyone really?

The source close to Conrad adds that "in this case, like others, she's going to continue to do what works best with Spencer and that's obviously to ignore him."

The world has apparently followed suit in the past year and a half.

Pratt, meanwhile, is broke and living at home, but says he doesn't "have a hatchet to bury" with his former co-star, who he frequently butted heads with.

"We had our differences, but the fact is that Lauren was a part of our lives, both personally and professionally," Spencer Pratt tells Us, as if anyone cares.

"After all this time, what point would there be in being angry? All I wanted to do was wish her nothing but the best in everything she does."

Sadly, that totally heartfelt sentiment fell upon a deaf Twitter account.

[Photos: WENN.com]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt turning down a reality show?

What is the world coming to. Relationship Rehab (VH1's new Celebrity Rehab spinoff) producers recently approached Speidi to work out their issues on the show, and the gruesome twosome flat-out rejected their offer for a simple reason:

They're doing well and weren't willing to pretend otherwise.

We know, it really doesn't compute.

Photos and Spencer and Heidi from this year. They're still around!

The couple is said to have been initially intrigued by the show, thinking Relationship Rehab was actually about working out together, a la Biggest Loser.

They had no idea it was for couples with real issues, and while they certainly have had some - they're broke now, for one - things are good nowadays.

So they passed, which is great. For them, but mostly for us.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News]

Spencer Pratt may be broke and unemployed, but he doesn't owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to his former agent, despite reports by Us Weekly.

That's an easy rumor to shoot down, says he, because he never had an agent. Pratt chose to represent himself while "famous" from The Hills, et cetera.

Pratt and Heidi Montag worked with a lawyer when they were negotiating deals, but never involved an agency and paid their attorney in full ages ago.

Spencer is now studying political science at USC and living at his parents' house rent free. Could be worse. He is not actively pursuing work in show business.

Not that anyone offered.

Heidi Montag, meanwhile, remains slightly less reviled than her husband and does have an agent. She currently has "a couple of projects in the works," too.

We don't know what those are, and frankly it surprises us, but we're told the agent does get paid. So ... there you go. Speidi: Not insolvent. Just irrelevant.

Earlier this summer, we told you how despite banking millions during their heyday as professional, annoying celebrities, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are broke.

Well, according to Us Weekly, this is still the case!

Pratt, in particular, is so unpopular that his own agent won't even answer his calls! That's pretty bad, although you need to get a client work in order to get commission.

That's not happening, so just let it go to voicemail, are we wrong?

Unemployed mountain man Spencer Pratt is very much at sea.

Speaking of which, Spencer owes his former agency "hundreds of thousands of dollars in commissions" from the coin he banked back when the gettin' was good.

That money, of course, is long gone, having been blown on Heidi's "music" career, up there with Enron and Worldcom among the worst investments of all time.

The whole spiritual/healing crystal thing never really panned out either.

A source adds that Pratt, despite being persona non grata in L.A., calls his agent up to 30 times a day. "They just laugh or pick up and hang up," the source said.

Once the loudest, proudest fame whores around, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag lived a fake life for the sake of cameras for years and reaped the benefits.

Nowadays, however, things are a bit different.

They’re broke and living in a beach house in Santa Barbara owned by his folks, who let them live there rent-free. Few other family members speak to them.

Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery binge has marred her face and body. They are largely unemployable, both on camera and off, victims of their own success.

Three short years ago, they were at the top of their game with The Hills, working every lever of the celebrity industrial-machine to their advantage.

Speidi. One word said it all. You knew them. You hated them. But you ate up their antics and the celeb culture they embodied. They knew it. Worked it.

But things turned dark as The Hills wound down. By the end of 2009, their lives grew increasingly insane ... not to mention financially unsustainable.

Lavish spending on useless crap - cars, clothes, her music career - killed them.

“We were getting paid to be people we weren’t for so long that there’s no line,” Spencer Pratt says. “What we learned is, you can be too famous.”

Follow this link for the Daily Beast's feature on the demise of Speidi ...

Spencer Pratt is apparently still around. And furious at Virgin Mobile over its faux celeb spokes-couple "Sparah," which he says is blatantly copying Speidi.

Virgin's new ad campaign is built entirely around a fake Hollywood couple called "Sparah," a mashup of the names Spencer and Sarah. Sound familiar?

Pratt is pissed that he and Heidi Montag have become the butt of a national joke. Not because of pride or hurt feelings, but dude wants to get paid for it!

Sparah Speidi at an event last year.

According to Spencer, Speidi is so getting ripped off. "They should being paying for using our likeness. It's obvious they are trying to be us," he says.

Pratt doesn't stop there, adding, he and Heidi "hate" Sparah ... "It's nuts how much [Virgin is] promoting them, when they are obviously copying us."

It's an interesting legal question. Even if Speidi did inspire Sparah, can you sue someone for mocking you? Lindsay Lohan has probably tried ...

[Photo: WENN.com]

It seems unthinkable for this terrible tandem, but Spencer Pratt is not permitted on or anywhere near Heidi Montag's new reality show Famous Food.

Producers of Heidi's show - on which she, Jake Pavelka, Ashley Dupre and other has-beens manage a restaurant - are serious, too. Spencer is banned.

Pratt has been disallowed on set since day one, and Heidi Montag herself agreed to the injunction against her better half (not that she had a choice).

PERSONA NON GRATA: That's what Spencer is on the set of Famous Food. And presumably many, many other places in and around Southern California.

The producers were adamant that Spencer wasn't allowed on the set, near the set, or to be involved in any way, and Heidi agreed to keep him at bay.

We're told Spencer has behaved himself so far - it helps that he was briefly in a coma this spring - but you know it's just a matter of time with him.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Okay, it's April 2. Joke's over.

Our bogus report that Spencer Pratt was critically injured in Wales took on surprising legs yesterday, despite what we felt was an obvious April Fool's prank.

We made it up. Out of thin air. He really is in Wales and really hasn't been on Twitter since March 29th (has to be a record), but THG invented this rumor.

Pratt is alive and well, despite THG's attempt to put him in a coma.

Yes, we realize this was in bad taste, but come on, it was April 1.

It's also Spencer Pratt. If anyone can appreciate this, it's him.

The former Hills svengali even commented personally on the rumor when Rumor Fix tracked him down, and seemed to be amused, telling the website:

"Ha Ha Ha. I finally have reached the level of fame I aspired to - when I don't have to make up my own stories! LOL." The reality star went on to add:

"All good here. No hiking for me - just eating."

Come home soon, man. We kinda miss you.

For the past week, Spencer Pratt has been in Wales, taking in the sights and hiking the UK country's beautiful countryside. We haven't heard much from him.

Never did we guess we may never hear from him again, however.

Reports out of the UK indicate that while trekking through the hills, Spence was hindered by one of the region's typical drastic shifts in weather and stranded.

He attempted to take a shortcut down a steep hill and took a terrible fall, losing consciousness and suffering severe injuries. Luckily, he was found quickly.

The Hills made Spencer a star. Ironically, a hike through faraway and very different hills may lead to the semi-annoying, semi-endearing reality star's demise.

While the extent of Spencer Pratt's injuries and his prognosis remain unclear, it's not good. Some reports indicate severe head trauma, possibly resulting in a coma.

Sources at the scene say he was found by fellow hikers and injured badly, but still breathing by the time emergency personnel arrived at the bottom of the hill.

He and people close to him have been radio silent for days, which can't be a good sign. All we can do is hope for the best, wait for updates and pray for a miracle.

Fortunately, Pratt's wife Heidi Montag sustained less severe injuries, as 68 percent of her body is non-organic. Who'd have guessed that would come in handy?

Story developing. Stay tuned for future updates ...

Spencer Pratt is a known loser. Still, he wants to be part of Charlie Sheen's WINNING! team so bad that he'll be the actor's new publicist for free.

After Sheen's long-time PR man, Stan Rosenfield, quit this past, Spencer has come out of the woodwork, offering to help Sheen mend his image.

We wouldn't hold our breath, Spencer. Then again, it's Charlie Sheen. Bets are off. We know he's a role model, but he's an unpredictable one!

Spencer to Charlie: Let me use your scandal for attention help you!

Pratt, who's married to Heidi Montag, says, "I want to be Charlie Sheen's new publicist. I am offering to be his media point man. I have great contacts with media outlets and will work for free just to be part of his winning team."

Taking media advice from Spencer Pratt is a like getting romantic tips from Mel Gibson, but we're sure Charlie appreciates anyone reaching out to him.