The only thing more shocking than Kelly Dodd's reign of terror over her fellow Housewives is the knowledge that Kelly has no regrets.
On this week's episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, however, Kelly was more furious than we've ever seen her.
Vicki spread one rumor too many -- this time, one that drags Kelly's daughter, Jolie, into the drama.
This was too much for Kelly, who put Vicki on blast.
But Kelly went so far as to tell Vicki: "You are a f--king psycho, you f--king pig bitch, you liar f--king c--t!"
That, however, wasn't the verbal blow that made Vicki burst into tears.
Things went too far
On this week's episode, Kelly and Vicki both flipped out each other. There was yelling, name-calling, and a lot of tears.
Vicki is up to her old tricks again!
Remember when Tamra and Shannon tried to have a mini-intervention for Vicki about her fondness for rumors? It looks like it didn't quite take hold.
Vicki spins a new yarn
She tells the other Housewives -- while at a spiritual retreat, keep in mind -- that she heard that Kelly is not allowed to set foot on school property where her daughter, Jolie, attends.
Here are her exact words:
"She's got a bad reputation 'cause of her, not 'cause of me. She's blaming me for her bad reputation? She can't even go to her daughter's school!" Vicki tells Tamra, Shannon, and Emily
Tamra is instantly suspicious
"Do you know this, or you heard this?" Tamra asks. Vicki replies: "I don't ... my daughter doesn't go to that school." She then says that she heard it from a woman in a nail salon whose daughter goes to that school. Sure, Jan.
Then Vicki gets unintentionally funny
"I just ... schematics, so let's just say that," Vicki says as the other women bombard her with questions. She clearly means SEMANTICS and, even then, it's not clear how the word would help her weasel out of the bogus rumor that she blurted out.
Naturally, Emily didn't keep this quiet
Emily is an attorney and had immediate questions about Vicki's wild claim. (Yes, parents can be banned from school grounds, but it's a big deal) So she told Kelly exactly what she had heard
Kelly flipped her s--t
Angry though she was, Kelly had the presence of mind to nip the rumor in the bud immediately (not on social media) before her daughter had to fend off absurd questions. So she called up her ex, Michael Dodd, who is Jolie's father, who immediately and vocally condemned the rumor over speakerphone. When your EX is angrily defending your parenting skills, you know that somebody did you wrong.
Kelly had a lot to say about Vicki
"She's a f--king psychopath!" Kelly exclaimed. Kelly clearly has a temper when it comes to the other Housewives, but it's equally clear that she felt that Vicki crossed a line by bringing up her daughter and her daughter's school. Imagine a principal having to field questions from concerned parents who hear and mistakenly believe such a rumor.
Kelly even called Shannon to complain
She and Shannon had more or less made peace, so Kelly called to complain about Vicki -- but also to point the finger at Shannon for inviting her. She also felt like Shannon and Tamra were trying to be neutral.
Vicki doesn't take Kelly's insults lying down
She hops on the phone to insist to Kelly that she is "not a psycho." As you can imagine, this does not go over well.
This is when Kelly shouts over the phone: "You are a f--king psycho, you f--king pig bitch, you liar f--king c--t!" Oh goodness.
Slight transition ...
So, Kelly decides to relate one of her activities in Vegas that did not actually make it to air. She and Braunwyn went to a junk yard.
Specifically, they got to impound cars
That sounds like it could be fun, or even therapeutic. It sure was for Kelly, since she spraypainted Vicki's name and drew a pig on one of the cars before it met its grisly fate. Wow.
Vicki's reaction is a little unexpected
This is not the first time that Kelly has compared Vicki to a pig, and Vicki responded by quietly saying: "I'm ugly, it's okay."
Kelly pumps the brakes
She yells that she never said that Vicki was ugly (then what does the pig thing mean?), at which point Vicki recalls how she referred to her "malfunctioning" cosmetic surgery on her face. Oof.
Kelly clearly has some regrets
"I don't think that! I don't think that about you," Kelly insisted. "I think you're pretty."
Vicki had a quiet response
"I think you're pretty, too," she admits to Kelly before she begins to cry.
This was too much for Kelly (or for us!)
"Vicki, Vicki, Vicki," Kelly replied as tears filled her own eyes. "I've never hurt you. I've always been on your side. It's so disheartening for me to sit here and look at you. You don't know what you've done to me. You have no idea."
She's not Vicki's enemy
"And I never did anything to you! I only called you a pig because Slade did, and I know that hurts your feelings, but I don't think that," Kelly confessed through tears. "I've only been friends with you. I don't understand it."
They both surrender
Vicki, then Kelly, offer their surrender, putting an end to their feud and expressing their tearful regrets. It's a powerful healing moment.
Of course, it can't last
We already know that Kelly doesn't seem to have any regrets, as she told Andy on Watch What Happens Live. This was very recent, and one of the things that she does not regret is sending the pig emoji to Vicki. The feuding between the two of them was clearly reignited since this tender moment, and we've witnessed some of that on social media (and in the midseason 14 trailer).
And FINALLY ...
We can't possibly finish this recap without mentioning that Braunwyn and her husband have threesomes (MFF types, with another woman), but only on what she calls "monumental birthdays." She clarifies that they've been together since they were teens, so it makes sense that they broaden their horizons. She boasts about all of the girl-on-girl action, but still identifies as "straight."
A producer asks Braunwyn a very smart question
Braunwyn is asked which Housewife she would invite into her marriage bed, and she cuts off the question before it even finishes: "TAMRA!" she blurts. "The answer's Tamra. You don't even have to finish the question. Tamra! Obviously."
Tamra had something to say about that
The fitness guru admitted that Braunwyn has "very luscious lips" and added that she's "maybe a little curious."