By now, you've probably heard the entire sordid story of how Jenelle Evans lost custody of her kids.
The short version goes something like this:
David Eason shot and killed Jenelle's dog in a fit of rage; the entire world freaked out because who the hell does that; CPS investigated and took the kids away to homes with fewer dog murderers.
By now, most of us are familiar with that narrative.
But this is Jenelle Evans we're talking about, which means there might be several layers of dishonesty, fabrication, and flat-out BS in play here.
Sure, no sane person would ever pretend that their husband executed the family dog, but that doesn't mean Jenelle would never do such a thing.
Yes, believe it or not, police now believe Evans might have made the whole thing up for publicity.
Check out the latest wild allegation against the former Teen Mom 2 star:
The Nugget Incident
Back in April, Jenelle told police that David shot and killed her French bulldog, Nugget, after the animal allegedly made a threatening gesture toward her 2-year-old daughter, Ensley.
Partner In Crime
David has corroborated that story many times since, claiming that he made a split-second decision, dragged Nugget out of the house, and shot him.
Eason even posted this photo which he claims shows a scratch on Ensley's face, which was left there by Nugget.
"I dont give a damn what animal bites my baby on the face... whether it be your dog or mine, a dog is a dog and I dont put up with that shit at all. I'm all about protecting my family, it is my lifes mission," Eason wrote in a since-deleted social media tirade.
Not the Brightest Bulb
"Some people are worth killing or dying for and my family means that much to me. You can hate me all you want but this isnt the first time the dog bit Ensley aggressively. The only person that can judge weather or not a animal is a danger to MY CHILD is ME," he concluded.
Yeah, No ...
Of course, David quickly learned that the government actually gets to determine what is and is not a threat to his kids, ad Ensley and the other children were removed from the Easons' land following a CPS investigation.
Jenelle stated that she decided to leave David in the immediate wake of the incident, but she came back to him after concluding that he acted out of concern for their daughter.
Queen of Lies?
Now, it seems that not only might that version of events be a lie, the entire dog-shooting incident could be a bizarre fabrication. We kid you not:
Safe at Home?
By now, you've likely heard that Jenelle's kids have been returned to her following several weeks of intense custody hearings.
It would be more accurate to say that MOST of Jenelle's kids were returned to her, as her son Jace remains in the custody of grandmother Barbara Evans, who has raised the boy since infancy.
The Angriest Dad
Anyway, while those hearings were going on, local police in Columbus County, North Carolina were conducting their own investigation in an effort to determine whether or not David is guilty of animal cruelty.
Into Thin Air
Today, Columbus County Sheriff's Office announced that it will not be filing charges against Eason, as it uncovered no evidence that Nugget was shot and killed -- no body, no shotgun shells ... nothing.
A Public Servant?
"[Jenelle] contacted Columbus County Sheriff's Office by public service. [She] advised that on April 29th, at approximately 6:30 pm, her dog bit her daughter, leaving a scratch on her face," reads the statement issued on Thursday.
"[She] advised that her husband, David Eason, threw the dog outside. She then advised that after David realized that the dog scratched their child, he went outside and shot the dog," the statement continued. "During this conversation, Jenelle stated that she did hear a gunshot but did not witness the incident."
The most crucial part of that statement may be that Jenelle never actually laid eyes on the dog's body. Police seem to be under the impression that there was no dog corpse for her to see.
The Other Witnesses
And while Jenelle and David's kids were at home during the incident, Jenelle specified that they did not witness the shooting.
The Maryssa Factor
Evans told police that David's 11-year-old daughter Maryssa fled into her bedroom and did not re-emerge until the following day.
"Columbus County Sheriff's Office Criminal Investigators located no physical evidence to substantiate that the allegations against David Eason are factual," the police statement said.
Lies on Top of Lies
"The evidence collected indicates that the allegations of animal cruelty were fabricated. Therefore, Columbus County Sheriff's Office is closing this investigation. No charges will be filed in this case."
A Complicated Case
Police went on to conclude that the amount of attention the case received on social media proved to be a hindrance to their investigation.
Laying It All Out There
"Social media can be a great tool when utilized for positive interactions," the statement said. "In this case, social media posts were utilized to incite follower's emotions to gain publicity."
Strange But True
Yes, according to the official police statement, David did not shoot the dog, and as far as anyone can figure, the whole thing was just an elaborate publicity stunt.
Break Up to Make Up
It wouldn't be the first time that the Easons fabricated some drama for publicity. They've "broken up" and quickly reconciled several times, seemingly just so they could sell the story of their reconcilioation to the media.
Obviously, this time, the stunt backfired, as Jenelle and David's kids were taken away as a direct result.
A New Low
Pretending to shoot and kill a dog just for the attention they would receive from the media? Could anyone be so insane?! Sadly, when it's the Easons you're talking about, the answer to that question is always "yes."