Catelynn Lowell: I Came Very Close to Hanging Myself

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Catelynn Lowell is in a pretty amazing place in her life right now.

After a few hiccups, her marriage to Tyler appears to be in a great place -- and the couple just welcomed another child into the world a few months ago.

Her name is Vaeda. And she is pretty much perfect.

But it wasn't all that long ago that things were a lot worse for the veteran Teen Mom OG star.

How much worse? She once considered suicide.

What was going through her mind at the time? Where does she stand now?

Scroll down for the latest, very raw and very candid thoughts from Catelyn...

1. A Quick and Sad Refresher

A Quick and Sad Refresher
Catelynn and Tyler suffered one of the worst tragedies possible in late 2017. They lost a child due to a miscarriage.

2. Catelynn Didn't Handle It Well

Catelynn Didn't Handle It Well
We mean, no mother handles such an awful situation well. But this reality star had been battling mental health issues even before the miscarriage, checking into a rehab facility in November of 2017.

3. She Was Honest About Why, Too

She Was Honest About Why, Too
"Well today I thought of every way to kill myself.. so I'm going to treatment #makeChesterProud @TalindaB #KeepTalkingMH #thiswontlast," Catelynn tweeted right after making that decision.

4. She Really Was in Trouble

She Really Was in Trouble
As maybe you noticed in that Tweet, Catelynn tagged the wife of late Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington... and Bennington took his own life in July of 2017 at the age of 41.

5. Has Catelynn Opened Up About This Low Point Before?

Has Catelynn Opened Up About This Low Point Before?
Yes. She spoke on air to Dr. Drew about it in April 2018, admitting at the time of her thought process: "If I don’t go somewhere else today, I’m going to off myself and life would be 10 times better."

6. Added Catelynn in This Interview:

Added Catelynn in This Interview:
“I could picture myself driving into an electrical pole off the road, praying it would kill me. But I wouldn’t do it because I had my kid in the backseat.”

7. What's She Saying Now?

What's She Saying Now?
"It was after we struggled with a miscarriage, and I kept waking up with panic attacks, and they were not going away, and it was for, like, two weeks," she explained on the podcast Reality Life With Kate Casey about her rehab check-in about 18 months ago.

8. She Almost Had No Choice

She Almost Had No Choice
"And I think when you keep waking up with panic attacks over and over, it leads me into a depression, and I just remember thinking like, ‘I don't want to wake up like this anymore,' and I was just thinking random things like, ‘I'm gonna drive off the road and hit that pole,' or thinking of all these different ways that I could commit suicide," she said in this podcast, reiterating her past remarks on the topic.

9. There Was Actually One Moment in Particular in 2017

There Was Actually One Moment in Particular in 2017
And it scared the heck out of Catelynn.

10. This is What Happened

This is What Happened
"I was in the house by myself. Nova was at school," she explains now. "Tyler was with our producer, and they were doing like yoga or something, and I was at the house by myself, and I remember [Tyler] had a belt hanging up on one of the hooks in our bedroom, and I remember thinking to myself, ‘I could totally use that belt and wrap it around my neck and just be done with it.'"

11. How Awful, Right?

How Awful, Right?
We truly, literally cannot comprehend thinking this way. Poor Catelynn. Thank goodness she got help.

12. Thankfully, This Was a Turning Point

Thankfully, This Was a Turning Point
After the thought crossed her mind, Catelynn says she realized "something's not right." As a result, the mother of three said on the podcast that she then decided it was time to ask for help from those around her, including husband Tyler.

13. She Opened Way Up to Her Loved Ones

She Opened Way Up to Her Loved Ones
"I was just honest with them, and I said, you know, ‘I'm really thinking all these crazy things,' and, um, I was just like, you know, ‘I think I need to get help before I do something that like a) I'll either regret or, you know, I just need to do something' because having those crazy thoughts and stuff.'"

14. What Did She Learn in Therapy?

What Did She Learn in Therapy?
A lot, of course, but Catelynn says maybe the most important thing was learning that it's "okay to be sad sometimes."

15. She Explains More as Follows:

She Explains More as Follows:
"It's okay to be like, ‘Wow, it sucks sometimes,' and also feel the good too. But you have to feel the sad of it too. You can't just brush it off. In order to get better, you have to feel whatever you're feeling."

16. How Are Things Now with Tyler?

How Are Things Now with Tyler?
Great, Actually. Despite the couple's 30-day separation earlier this year -- or, perhaps, Catelynn theorizes... maybe BECAUSE of it.

17. How So?

How So?
On the Teen Mom OG season premiere, she said that caring for Nova all by herself actually taught Catelynn a lot about herself.

18. A Healthy Relationship

A Healthy Relationship
"I grew a lot more independent during our separation, so now that we're back together, I don't want Tyler to feel like he's my caretaker again," she told MTV cameras during the episode. "I don't want Tyler to feel like he's walking on eggshells around me again because I'm stronger than I was before the separation. So I want to communicate openly so resentment doesn't build up."

19. Are Things Better Than Ever?

Are Things Better Than Ever?
Maybe. Later in the premiere, Catelynn sat down with Tyler to discuss their time apart. She admitted to her husband that it showed her she doesn't "need" him. And this was a good thing.

20. Want Versus Need

Want Versus Need
"I want you forever, but I don't need you," Catelynn told Tyler, which is a perfect way of summing of a healthy relationship and mental state.

21. We Wish This Couple the Best

We Wish This Couple the Best
We've always admired how open and honest they are with each other and we are so very happy to hear that things are going well.

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Catelynn Lowell Biography

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Catelynn Lowell is an original cast member on Teen Mom. She and her fiance, Tyler Baltierra, gave up their baby in 2009 for adoption.... More »
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