Lady Gaga has opened up like never before about the most personal and troubling thing that’s ever happened to her.
Appearing on Lady Gaga Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s new Apple TV+ docuseries, The Me You Can’t See, the singer delves deeply into her ongoing mental health struggles.
Specifically, she talks in detail about the time she was sexually assaulted as a young woman.
"I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,’ " the superstar says through years on her episode.
"And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music. And they didn’t stop.
"They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I just — I don’t even remember."
Gaga proceeded to explain that she has decided not to name her abuser because she does "not ever want to face that person again."
The singer didn’t stop there, however.
The Grammy award winner outlined a time years later when she went to a hospital to seek assistance for the pain and numbness she was experiencing.
"First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb," Gaga revealed.
"And then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner at my parents’ house because I was vomiting and sick.
"Because I’d been being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months."
Lady Gaga has brought up this assault before.
But never in such detail.
And she has never previously divulged that her rapist got her pregnant.
The artist went on to admit she suffered a "psychological break" at some point after the incident, saying on air:
"For a couple years, I was not the same girl.
‘The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I’ve had so many MRIs and scans where they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers.
"I couldn’t feel anything, I disassociated. It’s like your brain goes offline."
Added Gaga, who has also admitted in the past to having suicidal thoughts:
"It’s a really very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud that is following you wherever you go, telling you that you’re worthless and should die.
"I used to scream and throw myself against the wall."
She isn’t all the way healed, either.
She revealed on this docuseries that she has self-harmed — recently.
"You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse," Gaga said.
"You think you’re gonna feel better ’cause you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help.
"I always tell people, ‘Tell somebody, don’t show somebody.’"
Prince Harry is also featured on this program, discussing what it was like when Meghan Markle thought about killing herself.
Back to Lady Gaga, though.
She says that recovery from her trauma is ongoing process, saying that "even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad, and when I say feel bad, I mean, wanna cut, think about dying."
In conclusion, the star shared some words of wisdom anyone who is suffering, noting that it is crucial to find "one person who validates you" and stating:
"Everybody thinks [healing] is a straight line, that it’s just like every other virus.
"That you get sick and then you get cured. But it’s not like that, it’s just not like that."