Death. Taxes. DJ Pauly D rocking the exact same oil-slick black, blow-out hairstyle until he either dies or goes bald.
We might not particularly like any of these things, but we used to be able to take a certain comfort in how reliable they were.
Then 2020 came along and effed everything up.
This year, taxes weren’t due on April 15, death lurked around every freakin’ corner, and Pauly D’s hair …
… well, that’s something you’ve gotta see for yourself:
Yes, first Pauly grew a beard, and the entire internet bugged out in a good way.
Now, he’s gone fully Billy Idol, and the internet is bugging out in a very, very bad way.
At looks like he stepped into the transportation machine from The Fly at exact moment that 1998 Eminem snuck in.
It looks like Bart Simpson turned 40 and decided to invest in a weapons-grade tanning booth.
It looks like Draco Malfoy got sorted into House Guido instead of Slhytherin,
You get the idea.
This is the sort of thing that Pauly should have warned us about before he unleashed it on the world.
We know people get bored during a pandemic, but this is beyond the pale … literally.
Everything else about the pic is perfectly normal:
It’s Pauly, driving a Rolls Royce (of course), and wearing a t-shirt with his own stage name on it (double of course).
But then from the forehead up, everything is all wrong.
It’s like guido culture finally hit Sweden, or something.
It’s bad enough that the current season of Shore finds Pauly bragging about the size of his jorts collection; now he’s gone and bleached his hair a shade that can only be descrived as “Juggalo blonde.”
But hey, far be it from us to tell Pauly how to live his life.
After all, he seems to be doing pretty well for himself.
Despite recent shocking reports about Sammi Giancola’s net worth, Pauly remains the richest member of the Shore family, thanks to his wildly lucrative DJ-ing career.
And it seems he’s firing on all cylinders in his personal life, too.
Recent reports indicate that Pauly is engaged to Nikki Hall, whom he met on his dating show, A Double Shot at Love.
So go ahead and keep your game show host hair if it makes you happy, Pauly.
We can’t promise we won’t make fun of it.
But we can promise you won’t care.