Mackenzie McKee is trying to turn the page on the most painful year of her life.
Not by forgetting, of course.
But by finding meaning and in learning lessons from all she endured over the past several months.
As you very likely know by now, the Teen Mom star's mother, Angie, died of cancer in early December.
She was 86 years old and she inspired all who followed her daily writings about living with this disease and how she had turned her life over to God in the face of such a battle.
McKee paid loving tribute to her mother shortly before she died and then, of course, immediately after:
Now, just under a month saying goodbye to this parent, McKee has posted a new family photo (beloow) and included with it a heartfelt message about the past and the future.
"2019 deeply wounded me," wrote the long-time reality star at the outset of this caption, adding:
It was the worst year of my life in several ways. I spent more nights this year crying myself to sleep, deep anxiety, horrible depression than all my years put together.
Finding strength to wake up, be a mom, and run my business has been nearly impossible. I went from loving life to begging God to come take us all.
Almost forgotten in the wake of her mom's passing is the fact that McKee nearly divorced her husband last year ...
... and then got re-engaged to him after a great deal of counseling and soul-searching.
"If I ever have a year as painful as this one again, I know I won’t survive it," she continued on Instagram, expoundiing as follows:
From being betrayed, to watching my best friend/mother take her last breath, to watching my dad in so much pain, I wish to never relive this year.
We truly cannot imagine what it has been like.
Angie was only recently laid to rest, remember.
Referencing her mother and also her husband, Mackenzie went on:
However some sweet Memories I have of this year. I got to travel several fun places with my mom. I got to watch her bring so many people to the lord and inspire hundreds of thousands on tv.
Josh came to know the lord, i prayed for his salvation patiently for nearly 10 years. My kids were happy and healthy, and I have great friends.
As you might expect, McKee said she was in no mood to pop champagne or party in New Year's Eve, which was a far cry from how she typically feels on December 31:
"Everyone seems excited for the new year, and i am usually excited to ring in the New Years. However, 2020 is a year I have to learn to live without my mom. The one who helped me through everything. The one who always believed in me.
"The year us kids have to watch our dad live without his sweet heart. I do not want to ring in the new year AT ALL."
Is there any lesson at all Mackenzie can take from all she's suffered through?
Yes, she hopes.
"But one thing is for sure, God gives us a choice to live eternity in heaven one day. Where there is no pain and suffering and i can not WAIT for that day," wrote the MTV personality, concluding:
Until then I pray to find myself again. Feel human, have motivation, learn to understand things, and live her legacy.