It was supposed to be the Men Tell All episode.
But once again, we sat through another installment of The Luke Parker Show.
Things got off to a wild start on last night's Bachelorette, when Luke simply refused to allow the final rose ceremony to proceed without him.
It's anyone's guess as to why he was allowed back on set (read: ratings), but there he was, pleading with Hannah for "closure and clarity," despite the fact that she made it very clear that she just wanted him to leave.
The harassment was extremely uncomfortable to watch, and coupled with the recent allegations that Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss assaulted his pregnant wife, it made you wonder how much more time this franchise really has.
As you're probably aware, Luke was kicked off the show after he slut-shamed Hannah for sleeping with her other Fantasy Suite dates.
Parker's self-righteous BS didn't win him many fans on social media, but just like on the show itself, he simply refuses to shut up on Instagram.
And so, before Monday night's episode even began, he posted a lengthy tirade about how the whole situation is really Hannah's fault.
It's what Jesus would do:
"I want you all to know why I went on this TV show and why I went back for @alabamahannah after she sent me home," Parker wrote.
"I never wanted to go on the show to begin with, my sister in law @hleaparker22 signed me up and I kept an open mind."
"Going through the interview process I watched Colton’s season and a beautiful southern girl stood out to me during the intro videos," he continued.
'She told the cameras she respected Colton’s virginity and that it was super appealing to her that he was a virgin, and was the bachelor because sex was a big deal to her."
Did we mention this freakin' rant goes on forever?
Sadly, there's much, much more:
"I saw her Instagram and in her bio read 'I love Jesus with my whole heart', I was sold and if I was going on this TV show it was for her," Luke continued.
"I also noticed she told Colton how she wanted to be a wife of Noble character.
"I knew she was quoting Proverbs 31 which gave me the impression there is a way God could use this show... yes, even the Bachelorette as a way to bring him Glory."
It's then that Luke essentially accused Hannah of lying to his Bible group:
"On my hometown date I brought Hannah to a bible study with my college church group, where I shared my story of how God transformed my life and gave me a desire to live my life for him in obedience, that included waiting until marriage for sex," he wrote.
"Hannah on the date, stands up and tells the group her story of how she was convicted to live a life in pursuit of Jesus."
"She also told them that she wasn’t going to use the fantasy suites for sex but for conversation, no matter how @abcnetwork made it look."
And there it is.
Luke is an abusive psychopath and an egomaniac so even though he just not-so-subtly accused Hannah of being a promiscuous liar, he says he still felt it was his obligation to rescue her:
"I had to go back and fight for her, I believed in my heart she was making the biggest mistake of her life based on what she was telling me, I wanted her to know that we could get through this and I was here for her," Parker concluded.
"Of course all of these conversations were left out and I’m an 'evil pathological liar' so believe what you want. #thebachelorette."
As you may know, the Luke vs. Hannah social media feud has been a joy to watch, and she's been scoring points on him left and right.
She has yet to respond to his latest rant, but she already roasted him to a crisp on Twitter, anyway.
"I have never said that i find my sin funny," she wrote."I'm not going to [be] lectured on appropriate emotional responses by a guy who threw deli meat in a guys lap."
The deli meat thing really does hurt his credibility in terms of moral high ground.
Anyway, let's just all agree to keep this guy far, far away from Bachelor In Paradise.
Something tells us that wouldn't be a good fit.