This special Florida Man story involves a major brawl between not two, but five guys.
And where better for five guys to enjoy some Floridian fisticuffs than at an actual Five Guys restaurant?!
That's exactly what happened, according to a Faebook post by the Stuart Police Department.
According to the post, police responded to a report of a fist fight taking place at Five Guys Burgers and Fries.
"Three juvenile males and two adult males were charged with affray and processed at the Martin County Jail," the post reports.
We have so, so many questions, but the post is short, sweet, cryptic, and quirky.
And in that way, it's kind of perfect. Maybe this is one of those stories that is better the less you know about it.
The headline really says all there is to know. The rest is all down to imagination and alliteration.
Did the Florida Fivesome's feckless fistfight fulfill some kind of function?
Did these fellas unfetter their fury by flinging fistfulls of fries at each other's faces in a full-on food fight?
Unfortunately, we don't have all the greasy details.
The post from the Stuart Police makes a point of saying that the cause of the fight is still unknown.
Similarly, the witness didn't mention exactly what was said between the group of men that led to the fracas.
It's not clear if any of the men knew each other before the incident, or if they met and became enemies right there at Five Guys.
We do know that the incident occurred around lunch time on Wednesday.
According to a woman who witnessed the fried food feud, one of the men began "talking sh-t" to another.
The argument escalated when one of the men threw his beverage cup at another, and a door was slammed in someone's face.
We call this the "Bad Girls Club" method of starting a fight, and it never fails.
It's also come to light that all five of the perpetrators were fairly young.
The original post mentions that two of the men were adults, and the rest were juveniles.
The wording leads one to wonder if the generation gap was the source of the conflict here.
Was this one of those scanerios where a group of troubled youths just couldn't stop mouthing off, and the older guys snapped?
As it turns out, the two adults that were arrested were only 18 years old.
The minors that were arrested got fingerprinted, booked and released to their parents.
So it's not so much a case of two idiots acting like kids, but rather of five kids acting like idiots.
Fortunately for all involved, Florida law considers affray a misdemeanor.
Specifically, it's when two or more people fight in a public space, resulting in a disturbance of the peace.
So even the two who can be tried as adults should get off fairly easy.
We just hope that police won't have to arrest these five for fighting again.