While we don't know Meghan Markle's exact due date, sources concur that the Duchess of Sussex is set to become a mother sometime in April.
Not surprisingly, millions are caught up in the anticipation, and the media is eager to cash in on the hype.
And that, folks, is how we wound up with the abomination that is Meghan & Harry: A Royal Baby Story, which aired on TLC earlier this week.
Now, you might think the network that gave us the Duggars and Kate Gosselin would have sky-high standards in terms of journalistic integrity.
But sadly, you would be wrong.
(In case it's not abundantly clear that we're being sarcastic, TLC is a trash pile of a network, even by the standards of the vast wasteland that is reality-centered basic cable in 2019.)
You almost have to admire the shamelessness of the producers who assembled a bunch of talking heads with no real ties to Meghan and put them in front of a camera to blather on about #BabySussex.
Unfortunately, one of those talking heads was Samantha Markle, so this whole foolhardy venture was doomed from the start.
Samantha, as you probably know by now, is the wicked half-sister who has admittedly devoted her life to destroying Meghan in the baffling that hope that doing so will put her on a path to fortune and fame.
Thus far, her brilliant scheme has yet to pan out, but that's not stopping the failed actress from publicly trashing her estranged sibling every chance she gets.
"I believe that there is a jealous streak in Meg," Samantha told TLC cameras when asked about the alleged rivalry between Meghan and Kate Middleton.
"She does like to be the center of attention. I feel like that's a part of what is happening now."
Yes, the special was supposed to focus on the forthcoming royal baby, but leave it to Scammy Sammy to steer the conversation toward Meghan's "jealous streak."
From there, Samantha held court on the subject of Meghan's maternity wardrobe, and -- surprise, surprise -- it seems she's not a fan.
"I would spend less. I think a lot of people would," Sam said. So that has been a bit controversial."
Breaking: People who have less money tend to spend less money on clothing. Film at 11.
Speaking of luxuries everyone would like but few can afford, Sam believes that Meghan will employ the services of a nanny. Quelle horreur!
"I think Meg will definitely get a nanny," Sam stated.
"I'm pretty sure that her threshold for stress could be quite low in the beginning," she continued.
"How many rooms in Frogmore? I can see them all being filled with nannies."
As though she's actually had any contact with her sister in the past decade and has any idea what her personality is like, Samantha added:
"Meghan is very strong-minded, and there will definitely be a butting of heads, but Meghan could learn and grow from that. So if the nanny is strong enough, then she won't be left in tears."
That might be a valuable insight, were it not for the fact that literally every royal uses a nanny, and the whole freakin' world knows Meghan will follow suit.
As for the comment about every room at Frogmore Cottage being filled with nannies -- that's just the kind of absurdity that occurs when one has nothing better to do all day than guzzle Haterade.
And as always, Sam felt the need to comment on Meghan's relationship with her father, who has conducted himself abhorrently ever since his daughter entered the global spotlight.
"I certainly think it's unfair to overshadow how integral dad [Thomas Markle] was in [Meghan's] life," Samantha said before accusing Meghan of abandoning her family.
"It's not that we were never there. We've gone to your dance recitals, holidays, Thanksgivings… Now all of a sudden we don’t exist.
"You can't hurt people like this and then turn around and flip the script and play victim."
Playing the victim -- now there's something Samantha actually knows about.
The elder Markle concluded her portion of TLC's sh-tshow with a shameless plea for sympathy, during which she implored Meghan to please think of the children.
"It's important that children have a bigger sense of their family and where they could from," Samantha blathered.
"I would like to think that this child would have access to the best parts of grandad…and get to know that side of the Markles."
It's a richly ironic comment coming from the woman whose stated goal in life is to destroy a member of her family.