Osama Bin Laden's Pornography Collection is Considered a Threat to National Security

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Osama Bin Laden is an abhorrent human being with no regard for human life. 

Sorry, correction:

Osama Bin Laden was an abhorrent human being with no regard for human life. Because we killed that motherf-cker in 2011!

However, in one specific way, Osama Bin Laden was just like nearly every other warm-blooded male on the planet. Allow us to explain...

bin laden

Shortly after the most famous and successful raid in American history, fresh details emerged about the state of Bin Laden's life and, more specifically, the state of the compound in which he had been living. 

(As a refresher: The Al Qaeda leader and 9/11 mastermind was shot in the head by U.S. forces in a mansion in Abbottabad, about 31 miles north of the Pakistani capital of Islamabad, on May 1, 2011.)

For example:

U.S. special forces retrieved a wide-ranging collection of documents from this heretofore secret residence, including family letters, papers relating to Islamic history and notes about Al-Qaeda’s operations.

They also discovered a stash of Tom & Jerry cartoons and Bollywood DVDs.

And they also discovered a lot of pornography.

rot ih hell

For real.

According to numerous outlets seven and a half years ago, Navy SEALS seized a great deal of adult-themed material from Bin Laden's hideaway, finding it in a bedroom box labeled "electronically recorded videos."

Did this collection include the popular Kim Kardashians sex tape?

What about Paris Hilton's naughty video?

The one made by Pamela Anderson?

These are the questions celebrity gossip fans have been dying to know, which is why Radar Online recently requested details of the materials found in the raid.

Tragically, however, a letter from the CIA in response to this request has declared the mass murderer's trove of erotic items to be “classified.”

got him

“We completed a thorough search for records responsive to [the] request and located material that we determined is currently and properly classified and sealed by an Executive Order,” reads the correspondence from the government.

That's too bad, isn't it?

It would have given us some insight into the terrorist to know what sort of smut he perused on a frequent basis.

At this point, all we can really say is that not only did Bin Laden seemingly jerk it himself to, let's just presume, girl-on-girl action and other on-screen depictions...

... but he also encouraged his followers to do the same.

dead osama

In a letter written by Bin Laden to his own unit of special forces, it was discovered that he wrote the following:

“We have no objection to clarifying to the brothers that they may, in such conditions, masturbate, since this is an extreme case."

Just what they masturbated to, though, will forever remain a mystery to regular folks such as us.

We'll update this post when/if we gain the security clearance needed to view Bin Laden's porn.

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