Generally, when someone is being a bit too dramatic, we say something along the lines of "they've been watching too many soap operas."
But in the case of Meghan Markle's bonkers siblings and their weird conception of royal life, we guess ... they've been reading too much Shakespeare?
Yes, apparently, the Markle family is convinced that all royal marriages result in bloodshed and premature death.
Why do they feel that way?
Well, the short answer is that they're certifiably batsh-t psychotic.
The long answer has to do with Princess Di, Nelson Mandela, and Meghan's complicated relationship with her father, Thomas Markle.
Buckle in, because it looks like Samantha Grant and Thomas Markle Jr. may have achieved the impossible and found a way to outdo themselves in the insanity department.
The latest round of craziness began with a letter that Tom Jr. wrote to Queen Elizabeth II ... as though she hasn't had to deal with enough Americans blowhards this week.
Obviously, 92-year-old monarchs have nothing better to do than read letters from unemployed nobodies, but amazingly, it seems QE2 has no intention of responding to Thomas' ridiculous ravings.
“Meghan’s dream was to be a princess someday like Diana," reads the bizarre missive obtained by Radar Online.
"It would also be sad to see Meg’s dreams broken if she were to fail in her new position and disappear from the royal family.”
Yes, Thomas went full "veiled Mafioso threat" right out of the gate:
That's a nice childhood dream you have. Would be a shame if it were to ... result in your untimely death.
“Diana died because she refused to toe the royal line," Thomas continued.
“Meghan is another loose cannon who keeps thumbing her nose at royal protocol ... We fear this can only end in heartbreak and disaster — just like Diana!”
The exclamation point really drives the point home and makes Thomas seem like a very stable individual.
But hey, at least Thomas is (pretending to be) concerned for Meghan's safety.
Sister Samantha Grant (who goes by Samantha Markle these days because she now has dollar signs for pupils), is just openly filled with seething rage toward Meghan.
In case you haven't heard, today marks what would have been Nelson Mandela's 100th birthday.
Meghan participated in a ceremony paying tribute to the iconic South African leader, and now Samantha is pissed, because apparently Meghan should be more focused on paying tribute to her own father, who is totally still alive and recently skipped the royal wedding.
"How about you pay tribute to your own father?!" Markle wrote in one tweet.
"Enough is enough. Act like a humanitarian, act like a woman. If our father dies, it's on you Meg!"
Obviously, Sam was just getting warmed up, and she went on to proclaim that she "was right" about Harry:
"Glad you have so much time to gallivant around paying tribute to others while ignoring your own father!" Grant tweeted.
"How cold can you be and look in the mirror? Harry? I guess I was right."
Serious question: Has the word "gallivant" ever been used by someone who's not awful?
Samantha, as you may recall, has been trying to cash in on Meghan's fame ever since the world learned that the former actress was dating Prince Harry.
Sam planned to pen a tell-all memoir about Meghan, but publishers lost interest when they realized she hasn't had any contact with Meghan in over a decade, and is completely unhinged.
So apparently, Sam has decided to vent her feelings for free on Twitter.
There are times when we think everyone should just ignore her crazy ass until she goes away.
But then we're honest with ourselves, and we admit that there's no way we can look away from such an amusing trainwreck.