In just two days, Meghan Markle will marry Prince Harry in the kind of lavish ceremony that most folks can only dream about.
Unfortunately, in the meantime, she's being made to tolerate a metric ton of bullsh-t from her wildly trashy family.
For months now, Meghan's shady half-siblings have been talking smack to anyone who will listen, clearly hoping that her fairytale romance will somehow equate to them never having to work again.
Now, her father is doing his best to one-up his own children in order to retain the title of Worst Markle of Them All.
Earlier this week, it was reported that Thomas Markle had suffered a heart attack and would not be attending the royal wedding on Saturday.
Now, we know that Thomas is not in poor health, but still will not be making the trip to London for his daughter's big day.
Well, as far as anyone can tell, Thomas is embarrassed by a bizarre scandal involving paparazzi photos that he sold to a media outlet.
It's really not that big a deal on its own, but Thomas seems hell-bent on making it a big deal.
Rather than face the possibility that someone might make fun of him for cashing in on his daughter's fame, Thomas has decided to piss off one of the world's most powerful families by casting a dark cloud over a very important day.
The situation is so bad that Meghan has been forced to issue an official statement - her first as a member of the royal family - regarding her father's absence.
“Sadly, my father will not be attending our wedding. I have always cared for my father and hope he can be given the space he needs to focus on his health,” reads the statement.
“I would like to thank everyone who has offered generous messages of support. Please know how much Harry and I look forward to sharing our special day with you on Saturday.”
Officially, Thomas is sticking to the excuse that he's too sick to travel.
“He has told Meghan he cannot attend due to medical reasons," a source tells People magazine.
“She is ultimately concerned, as Prince Harry is, for her father,” the insider adds.
“They have both been in touch with Thomas Markle in recent days, as they have for some time. They have been in regular contact.”
Does this jerk know his daughter will have the power to behead people as of Saturday morning?!
We haven't done much research, but we're pretty sure that's how it works.