Look, Justin Bieber’s genitals were, for a long time, a subject for speculation.
Then the world saw what Bieber looks like nude. And then the world saw his naked body again, in greater detail. You’d think that the saga of Bieber’s junk would have been over by now.
But no. The overpowering allure of the Biebs’ genitals has gotten a nurse fired from her job. And now there’s a ballsuit. Lawsuit, sorry.
Okay, so, first of all, Justin Bieber was plagued by rumors for years.
Penis rumors.
Though maybe "plagued" isn’t the right word, because these rumors all suggested that Justin Bieber was well-endowed.
Generally speaking, regardless of the truth, people with penises don’t get super bent out of shape if word gets out that their penises are large and in charge.
And Justin’s not exactly a modest dude, either.
So, last year, the world saw blurry photos of Justin hanging out in the nude outside.
If these were leaked photos from a jilted ex or from his phone or whatever, we’d be condemning it. He was hanging out nude outside, though, so it’s less creepy. (Still a little creepy)
If you’d forgotten about those, whichever little beast hacked Selena Gomez’s Instagram account was sure to remind you.
Not much later, Justin and his then-girlfriend were hanging out outside in Hawaii and Justin was, again, naked. This time, the photographer got way closer, and no details were spared.
(Some even speculated that, given Justin’s nudity but his lady companion’s clothed state, that the photoshoot may have been prearranged)
So you’d think that all mysteries related to Justin Bieber’s genitals would be resolved, then.
Apparently, not so much.
Last May — can you guys believe that it’s September already? — Justin Bieber was in some sort of soccer-related incident and experienced some testicular pain, and not the fleeting time.
Reportedly, he actually had some testicular swelling.
You know that thing where you plug your symptoms into WebMD because you have a mild headache and it says that you have cancer so bad that you’re also having a stroke?
Justin did that, and apparently came to the conclusion that he had testicular torsion.
That’s a serious condition that’s agonizing and usually requires surgery, so he made an emergency visit to the hospital.
(Totally the right thing to do there)
If you’re worried about the Biebs and his balls, know that he’s okay — it turned out to be a false alarm and he’s just fine.
However, a hospital employee ended up getting fired.
A hospital staffer named Kelly Lombardo was fired afterwards.
The hospital claims that Kelly heard a rumor that Justin Bieber had checked in because he had some sort of STI.
That’s a very natural rumor when someone hears about an attractive young star with a bad reputation went to the hospital for something related to genital discomfort.
Hearing a rumor, though, isn’t a firable offense.
But the hospital claims that Kelly Lombardo then looked through Justin Bieber’s medical records without permission, and referred to her as being "an immoral employee."
That doesn’t make for a great reference letter.
Now, TMZ reports that Kelly Lombardo is suing the hospital for wrongful termination.
Kelly Lombardo replies that she never looked into Justin’s medical records, but simply heard the rumor without letting her curiosity get the better of her.
TMZ heard from New York employment attorney David H. Rosenberg, who said: "My client never accessed Mr. Bieber’s medical file and yet she was fired for doing so."
We’re not sure if the hospital believes that Lombardo was merely being nosy or if she hoped to sell the information and collect a payday, but we’re sure that that will come up if this lawsuit makes it to trial.
We have to wonder what Justin Bieber thinks of all of this.