Remember when it looked like Farrah Abraham and Simon Saran were actually really in love?
Seems like a lifetime ago now, doesn't it?
In reality, it's been less than two months since Farrah and Simon went down to Jamaica together for romantic dinners on the beach and selfies that inspired pregnancy rumors.
But it might as well be decades with the way they've been behaving lately.
They had some sort of falling out -- it's hard to say what exactly happened, but we first suspected an issue earlier this month when Simon announced he was done with Teen Mom.
He's always loved trolling every single cast and crew member imaginable, so for him to give up such a hobby seemed suspicious.
Shortly after he made his statement, Farrah confirmed that their relationship had taken a turn in -- what else? -- an insane Twitter rant.
She claimed that Simon "is not in my life and really is hurt I moved on," she called him "pathetic" and "jealous" and accused him of "stalking" her.
Around the same time, he shared some photos of himself looking awfully friendly with a new lady, then tweeted that after he posted the pictures, Farrah sent him a cease and desist letter.
Her lawyers have since admitted that the letter was sent, but Farrah said it wasn't because she was jealous that he moved on.
Instead, she said that he's been "ruining business deals" for her, "stalking social media," and "saying lies about me, my parenting, and other scandalous things."
She also claimed that he'd been reaching out to her friends and family in an attempt to keep track of what she's up to.
But, in a new interview with E! News, Simon is, once again, giving his side of the story.
And the whole thing is just getting uglier by the minute.
"Given that I have respect for her dad, I'll let her slide," he begins. "I don't need drama in my life at this point."
"She can say what she wants, but we all know who the real one is and who the fraud is."
"I have no hard feelings against Farrah," he continues. "We are just from two different worlds. She likes the fake life, I want what's real."
"I wish her the best for her and much success in all her future endeavors."
In response to Farrah's claims that he's been stalking her, Simon explains that "Her friends reach out to me and give me an update on her. She's very confused."
"Her friends know that she screwed up big time by losing me."
But is there a chance they'll get back together again, like they eventually always do?
"No," he says. "I think we are better off going our separate ways. There's no loyalty in that woman."
"She'd rather make a buck then to keep someone around who actually cared about her. She will forever be alone."
It's harsh, but it doesn't sound like he's being shady at all here. It sounds like he's sharing his experience with her, and like he's being honest about how awful it was.
If you want shade, you'll have to look to Twitter -- there's plenty of it over there!
In response to one of Farrah's statements about how she "made" Simon, he wrote "You made me? How? You went from selling dildos and finger banging equipment to having a high end furniture store front I put on for you."
He also answered a few questions about Teen Mom in general.
For instance, he claims that the moms make $300,000 per season, and that while he and Farrah's father have "always been good," her mother "is the worst example of a human being in American History."
He also claims that Larry, one of the show's executive producers, "makes fun of Gary's weight. Laughs with other crew members that he needs an extra plane ticket to seat him."
He adds that "Larry is a piece of sh-t."
Surprisingly, Simon also alleges that one of the grossest scenes in Teen Mom history, the one where Matt Baier tried to pressure Amber Portwood into marrying him in Las Vegas, "was fake."
As for Farrah's outlook on the latest round of her feud with Simon, she told E! "I'm so happy I've separated myself and won't be harassed or stalked by him further."
Don't bet on it, girl.