Last week, we reported on a pair of rumors involving everyone's favorite Teen Mom/sex tape headliner Farrah Abraham.
The speculation began when fans theorized that Farrah is pregnant as the result of a single Instagram photo in which we guess, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head just so, you might conceivably be able to make out something that sort of looks like a baby bump.
From there, the rumor mill went wild.
Just hours after the pregnancy rumors started, fans began falsely claiming that Farrah is engaged to Simon Saran.
This one was a bit more understandable, as both Simon and Farrah posted an Instagram video showing what could easily be the build-up to a surprise proposal.
Simon made matters worse by giving a lot of coy responses (complete with winking smiley face emoji) when asked about it by fans.
Now, Farrah is responding to the reports as only Farrah can, and while she may not be engaged, she does have some surprising news about her relationship with Saran:
"We’re not together,” Abraham told Us Weekly.
“I think people just got confused by me celebrating my birthday also in Jamaica which, oh well, I had a romantic dinner! Bitches were jealous!”
Yes, it seems that despite spending the last week at a secluded resort in Jamaica, Farrah and Simon aren't even dating, much less engaged.
Could have fooled us.
Wow, maybe we're those "jealous bitches" Farrah was talking about.
Really makes ya think.
Farrah says she and Simon broke up on amicable terms and they remain friends with benefits.
The "benefits" in this case being free trips to Jamaica.
“We can be cordial and friends – it’s because I keep it like that and that my daughter really wants that around,” she told the tabloid.
Farrah added that she's hoping to find Mr. Right on a new reality show that's set to start filming later this month:
“I hope I find [love] this summer,” Abraham said.
“The new show is called Love Socially. It’s based with MTV UK and International, so a division of Teen Mom. [It will be filmed] in Australia, London and four other countries with four other celebrities.”
No word on who else will be starring, but we're guessing the folks at Us forgot to add the quotes around "celebrities."
Watch Teen Mom online to remind yourself of just how ridiculous a human being Farrah really is.