Are you getting married in 2017, but can't afford a destination wedding in a tropical climate?
Well, just invite Amanda Willis to the reception, and she'll bring the Florida experience to you!
So who is this embodiment of the Sunshine State way of life?
Well, prior to this week, she was just a run-of-the-mill Floridian with sun-dappled skin, a bloated liver, and an extensive arrest record.
At the recent wedding of her friend Jennifer Butler, turned all the way up, behaving in a fashion that has witty local news anchors all over the country calling her a maid of dishonor! Zing!
The pun was handed to your area Men's Wearhouse-clad talking head on a silver platter, because Willis was actually the maid of honor at the Charlotte County, Florida nuptials of Jennifer and her new husband, Brian Butler.
We imagine the couple came to regret that decision, however, as Amanda's behavior landed her behind bars for charges including larceny, battery, grand theft of a motor vehicle, and violation of probation.
It all started - as most great stories do - when Amanda downed an entire bottle of Fireball within the first 20 minutes of the reception.
Now, the only thing more volatile than a Florida Woman is a Florida Woman with a bellyful of the Satan's Cinnamon Sauce, and within minutes of polishing sugary liqueur to stun a mule, Amanda was off and running.
She began by asking guests for their car keys.
When that tactic failed for a number of obvious reasons, she stole the groom's keys, and proceeded to try and run him over with his own car.
Witnesses say Butler was able to stop the vehicle with the emergency brake, but only after being dragged while holding onto the passenger side door for several hundred feet.
Other guests helped wrestle Willis back into the building ... which went about as well as you would expect:
“She went back inside, grabbed up the big bottle of Captain Morgan and just guzzled it,” the bride told WBBH TV.
The best man reportedly attempted to take the bottle away from Willis, and she responded - how else? - by striking him in the head.
Police were called to the scene and were somehow able to take Willis into custody.
Due to the amount of liquor she consumed, they brought Willis to an area hospital, where she proceeded to expose herself to the arresting officers and assault two EMTs, one of whom was elderly.
The incident marks Willis' ninth arrest in Charlotte County.
"[Jennifer] had her be her maid of honor, and it was a bad decision," said best man Robert Templeton.
We think you hit the nail on the head with that one, Bob.