As you may have heard a brash, privileged ginger has been traveling the world using his power and status to have his way with dozens of young women.
But enough about Donald Trump!
In other horny plutocrat news, Prince Harry may have finally settled down!
Yes, it seems that Harry is actually dating Meghan Markle, an actress on USA network’s Suits, which is one of those basic cable dramas that’s watched by no one except your mother-in-law.
"My cup runneth over and I’m the luckiest girl in the world!" Markle recently told the Vancouver Sun.
Naturally, the British tabloid press has run with this statement as Markle’s confirmation that she’s been all up in the royal knickers.
In context, it’s clear that Meghan was talking about the upcoming seventh season of Suits and some future philanthropic endeavors, but who needs context, right?
Besides, the really shocking thing about that the interview is that Suits will be soon be headed into its seventh season.
We’ve reached the point where the sheer amount of television that’s out there is enough to give you an existential crisis about your own insignificance in a massive and indifferent universe full of syndicated reruns of shows you’ve never heard of.
Or maybe that’s just us.
Anyway, the really interesting Harry-related interview of the week comes to us courtesy of Meghan’s half-sister, Samantha Grant, who claims that Meghan is a right wanker in the truest sense of the term.
Did we do that right, British people?
Grant claims that Markle has neglected her father, an ailing and bankrupt 72-year-old retired lighting director named Thomas Markle.
"I am not sure how the Queen would feel about someone who shuns their own family,” she claimed.
“Meghan is narcissistic and selfish, I think the Royal family would be appalled."
Grant adds that Markle is a lifelong "social climber" who she believes is interested in Harry simply due to her desire to "become a princess."
“The truth would kill her relationship with Prince Harry, he wouldn’t want to date her anymore," Grant claims.
We can’t totally blame Miss Markle for that.
After all, isn’t it every young girl’s dream to go from basic cable to royalty?
It’s basically a real life Cinderella story, except in this version, instead of squeezing into a glass slipper, Meghan had to squeeze in-between reruns of Rizzoli & Isles.