In honor of this season of family togetherness, allow us to share with you a story of father-daughter bonding that's downright ... *throws up in mouth* touching.
As you may have heard, Donald Trump was elected president recently in an election that shocked literally everyone, including Donald Trump.
The last two weeks have been filled with reminders that Trump had little expectation of getting elected, not the least of which is that his wife and youngest son clearly have no intention of moving into the White House with him.
Of course, we can't blame Barron for not wanting to change schools midyear just so he can continue to be neglected by the geriatric grapefruit that sneaks into his mother's room once a year to squeak the springs for 8 seconds.
And the situation is only made worse by the fact that Donald clearly favors the children from his first marriage.
Or maybe we should say "one of the children from his first marriage."
Or maybe we should say "Donald Trump is sexually attracted to his daughter."
That may sound like a needlessly scandalous thing to say about an accomplished statesman who was just selected for our nation's highest office in a fair, honest and not-at-all-stolen-by-the-Russians election, and believe us, we hope it's not true.
But sadly, there's a fair amount of evidence to support the claim.
You're probably familiar with Exhibit A ...
... which, by itself, probably should've been enough to disqualify Donald from any sort of future employment, much less the presidency.
Then, of course, there were Trump's remarks that he would "probably be dating" Ivanka were it not for the fact that, ya know ... he's her freaking father!
Yes, that's probably be sufficient information for us to draw all the conclusions we need to about the odd, odd relationship between Donald and Ivanka, but a disturbing new piece of evidence emerged today in the form of a redacted Washington Post article.
The piece, titled "Our next president, the Godfather" and penned Post columnist Richard Cohen, reportedly featured the following passage when it was distributed to syndication outlets:
"Jared Kushner, our Tom Hagen, who married Trump’s stunning daughter Ivanka — 'Can I ask you something?' Trump asked someone I know, about his then-13-year-old kid, Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?” — has lately lost some of this Boy Scout aura.
"It turns out Kushner’s admission to Harvard was preceded by his father’s $2.5 million pledge."
Not surprisingly, it's not the revelation that Ivanka's father-in-law may have bought her husband's way into Harvard that's receiving the most attention online today.
The portion about Trump allegedly asking a friend if it's acceptable to be sexually attracted to his daughter did not appear in the final edition of the article.
Perhaps it was proven untrue, or maybe the Post remembered that Trump is the litigious sort and decided to let him stay focused on hating the New York Times.
We may never know, as the Post’s editorial page editor declined to comment when reached by BuzzFeed.
Of course the really crazy part is that this probably won't even be the most jaw-dropping piece of Trump news you read about today.
We're in for an interesting four years, folks!