Earlier this week, we reported that Taylor Swift and Drake are dating.
In a way, it makes perfect sense, as Drizzy fits the profile of the ideal Taylor flavor of the month:
He’s successful; he’s foreign (kiiiinda); he’s tall; and he’s so emotional that it’s like he’s in a perpetual state of watching the end of Steel Magnolias while peaking on Molly.
However, there are also certain red flags that might keep Taylor at bay:
For starters, Drake likes to fancy himself a G, and Taylor is about as gangsta as Mike Pence at an Art Garfunkel concert.
On top of that, he likes to take shots at superior and far more dangerous rappers like Pusha T, which may mean that Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham isn’t long for this world.
Nevertheless, it seems Draylor (Twake? Trizzy?) might actually be happening.
According to TMZ, Taylor met Drake’s mom at his birthday party in LA on Sunday night.
It’s kind of a big deal, as as far as anyone knows, during all the time that Drake and Rihanna were dating, he never introduced her to his mom.
Of course, Taylor likes to project a "girl you take home to mom" vibe, whereas RiRi is more "girl you take home to roll flawless blunts for you."
You may remember Drake’s mom from the video of Young Drizzy complaining about his missing tuna fish sandwich, aka the Best Thing That’s Ever Existed on the Internet:
Aubrey and his mother have patched things up since then, but they probably just buried the hatchet like last week.
Dude was not happy that she denied him his sammie.
Anyway, Drake and Taylor are two of the most famous people on the planet these days, so as much as Taylor likes to scream it from the nearest mountaintop whenever she’s in a new relationship, you can bet they’ll keep this thing on the DL until they know it’s for real.
Then we’ll get a few weeks of non-stop PDAs and Drake being mercilessly mocked by other rappers for his "I heart TS" t-shirts, and then it’ll all be over when Drizzy goes to the Australian Open and spends the entire time applauding Serena Williams’ ass.
After that, the real fun will start.
These two will unleash a flurry of heartbroken diss tracks that’ll make the Biggie vs. Tupac feud look about as intense as Mike Pence vs. Tim Kaine debate.
Yeah, we just dropped two Mike Pence references in an article about Drake dating Taylor Swift!
Why, you wanna make something of it?!
Sorry, we’re already in the anger stage of this breakup that hasn’t even happened yet.