At 9 pm EST tonight, Donald Trump will square off with Hillary Clinton for the third, and thankfully final, presidential debate.
At this point, these things are like dentist appointments:
We all agree they’re necessary, but they can be intensely painful experiences.
Anyway, Trump got trounced in the first debate, and rather than redeeming himself in round two as his supporters had hoped, he arguably made an even bigger mess of his second clash with Clinton.
Have you ever seen a 70-year-old man crash from an epic coke high in a televised town hall setting?
We have, and it was ugly.
Anyway, with less than three weeks remaining until the election, this may be Trump’s last chance to shift the momentum in his favor.
So naturally, the real estate mogul/anthropomorphic Flamin’ Hot Cheeto is pulling out all the stops.
Sources say he’s boning up on tonight’s topics, such as the national debt; he’s participating in mock debates; and of course, he’s … inviting President Obama’s half-brother?!
Yes, in the sort of move that kind of makes you wonder if he’s participated in some sort of Freaky Friday mind-swap with a petulant toddler, Trump is attempting to psych Hillary out by making Malik Obama his guest of honor.
If you’re wondering about the reasoning behind the decision, as far as we can tell, there isn’t any.
It’s true that Malik supports Trump, but it’s not like he’s Hillary’s half-brother.
We’re sure lots of politicians have relatives who are diametrically opposed to them ideologically.
Is that the point Trump is making here?
That’s not a rhetorical question; we’re legitimately confused.
Not surprisingly, Trump didn’t offer much in the way of insight when he was asked about his decision during a recent press conference:
“I look very much forward to meeting and being with Malik,” Trump said, sounding very much like he and the 58-year-old recently arranged a smash session on Tinder.
“He gets it far better than his brother.”
“I’m excited to be at the debate. Trump can make America great again," Malik told reporters.
Asked about the allegations that Trump sexually assaulted as many as a dozen women, Malik – a Kenyan-born American citizen – trotted out the lame-ass Cosby defense:
"I don’t believe them," Obama said.
“Why didn’t they come forward before?”
Well, he’s certainly delusional enough to be a Trump supporter!
Inviting the President’s half-brother seems like kind of a pointless stunt, but who knows?
Maybe the sight of Malik sitting in the crowd will somehow sway every undecided voter in the country and a few million Hillary supporters over to Trump’s side.
Then, when Trump gets elected on the strength of the Malik bounce, the whole country can groan a sarcastic, "Thanks, Obama!"