Brad Pitt "Married a Lunatic" & "Lives on Whiskey," Celebrity Sources Say

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By now, you've almost certainly heard the shocking news that Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt after over a decade together.

Press coverage and social media rumors have been everywhere - perhaps more so than with other A-list celebrity splits in recent memory.

Yet in the nearly two full days since the separation was announced, we've come no closer to any concrete understanding of what drove one of Hollywood's most celebrated couples apart.

Brad and Angie Photo

It might be quite some time before we find out exactly what prompted Jolie to take steps toward legally ending her marriage (just a few days after separating Pitt, no less) but there's one explanation that seems to be popping up more than any other.

And now it's being corroborated by both the most reliable names in the celebrity gossip game (People, TMZ, Us Weekly, etc.) and even a couple celebrities who are willing to be named.

According to the consensus from folks who are happy to stick their neck out a bit and be held accountable for their stories, Brad wasn't cheating with Marion Cotillard or anything quite so sexy and scandalous as all that.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie 2007 Golden Globes Pic

Rather, all signs seem to indicate that it was Pitt's drug use and quick temper coupled with just a general conflict in lifestyles that prompted Angie to pull the plug.

And who are the celebrities who are backing up this version of events?

Well, before we go any further, we should note that we're using the term "celebrity" very loosely here, and only one of the two whistleblowers seems to have any genuine insider knowledge about the situation.

We'll start with Chelsea Handler (*pauses for customary tossing of smartphones and laptops out the nearest window*), who, as usual showed up to spew bile all over the scene and turn non-believers to stone with her icy glare: 

"Brad and Angelina always said they wouldn't get married until everyone could get married," Chelsea joked.

"And always said I wouldn't get married until they got divorced."

At least we think that qualifies as a joke. In any case, she said that in a video posted to her social media pages today. 

"There are rumors that part of the problem Brad was drinking and smoking too much weed," she continued.

Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie 2015 AFI Awards

"I wonder why he needed to self-medicate ... Oh, yeah, because he married a f--king lunatic, that's why!"

Wit, thy name is Chelsea.

It's worth noting that Handler is close friends with Jennifer Aniston, which might explain the slight bias apparent in her comments.

You know. Just a little.

A slightly more reliable and significantly less grating account of Brad and Angie butting heads over his substance abuse comes to us courtesy of actor Richard Bohringer.

He who spoke about the experience of working with Pitt and Jolie on the 2015 film By the Sea.

“They are curious, these American stars,” Bohringer told the French magazine Closer.

“Brad Pitt, he lives on whiskey. She is a funny girl. They’re a funny couple.”

So there you have it. The long and short of it:

Angie was crazy and Brad was drunk.

We say that after all they've been through, the best course of action is to back together, and get the E! network on the phone!

Throw in the six kids and a couple of good story editors and voila, you crazy kids are sitting on soft-scripted reality gold!

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Brad Pitt Biography

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Brad Pitt might just be the best looking man on the planet. He's also a very talented actor and seems to be a legitimate humanitarian.... More »
Born
Birthplace
Shawnee, Oklahoma
Full Name
William Bradley Pitt

Brad Pitt Quotes

I'm impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can't get me. You cannot break me down.

Brad Pitt

Our seven-year-old was searching the word 'weapons' on Google the other day and ended up on some white-supremacist site. I'm sure now we're on all kinds of watch lists.

Brad Pitt