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Despite what recent supermarket tabloid covers have tried to tell you, Jennifer Aniston is not married nor has she been cheated on by Justin Theroux.

But the actress is totally a first-time mother!!!

If you choose to believe the latest issue of Life & Style for some strange reason.

"Jen and Justin signed papers after going through a series of interviews,” a totally real insider tells the magazine, adding that Aniston was “guided” though the process by Sandra Bullock.

Supposedly the child has the “best of everything,” which is important, and Aniston is “overjoyed,” which is nice to hear.

We’d make fun of this imaginary report, but it’s actually a sign of progress.

In the past, after all, Aniston was pregnant in April and Aniston was pregnant last May and Aniston has been pregnant A LOT in the eyes of these editors.

See what we mean here: