Jennifer Aniston Has Totally (Not) Adopted a Baby Girl!

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Despite what recent supermarket tabloid covers have tried to tell you, Jennifer Aniston is not married nor has she been cheated on by Justin Theroux.

But the actress is totally a first-time mother!!!

Jennifer Aniston Adopts?!?

If you choose to believe the latest issue of Life & Style for some strange reason.

"Jen and Justin signed papers after going through a series of interviews,” a totally real insider tells the magazine, adding that Aniston was “guided” though the process by Sandra Bullock.

Supposedly the child has the “best of everything,” which is important, and Aniston is “overjoyed,” which is nice to hear.

We'd make fun of this imaginary report, but it's actually a sign of progress.

In the past, after all, Aniston was pregnant in April and Aniston was pregnant last May and Aniston has been pregnant A LOT in the eyes of these editors.

See what we mean here:

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Jennifer Aniston Quotes

I actually feel I've been unbelievably lucky in love. I don't feel like I'm supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I'm not. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Jennifer Aniston

You just have to love your life. I have my health, I have my friends, I have my loved ones. I'm extremely lucky.

Jennifer Aniston