Allow us to sum up the general sentiment attached to most Fifty Shades of Grey movie reviews so far with one simple, awesomely terrible introduction:
Fifty Shades of Grey? More like Fifty Shades of SUCK.
According to most critics, Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson lack chemistry (because they hate each other?)… there’s no real plot… and the studio may want to rethink those Fifty Shades of Grey sequel plans.
Should you still spend your hard-earned money on this hardcore (or not) sex romp? Decide after reading these Fifty Shades of Grey movie reviews ...
"In short, the movie that promised to be the most titillating Hollywood motion picture ever made—the apex of a cultural phenomenon that thrust BDSM into the mainstream - was, basically, really bad in bed." - The Daily Beast
"Maybe in future installments there will even be something that resembles a plot. For now, the entire movie is about as sexy as a root canal." - Red Reed
"It looks and feels like a sequel to Twilight, with deadly dull talk about S&M replacing endless consternation over turning into one of the undead." - Robert Levin
"You’ve heard about the steamy passion. You’ve seen the whips. Now prepare for the underwhelming buzzkill of a film devoid of any kind of passion." - The Washington Post
"The worst movie ever." - Lisa Wilkinson
"Obsessed with money, willfully wrongheaded about sex and crippled by its own construction, Fifty Shades of Grey is too many kinds of awful to work as anything but accidental sociology: We get the smut we deserve." - James Rocchi
"The film's intense commitment to being dull makes you long for sparkly vampires and werewolves." - Devin Faraci
"The world, the ethos and the selling points of the Fifty Shades phenomenon are suspect and hollow. The story exhibits zero interest in how a contrivance such as Christian could possibly compartmentalize his interests to this degree and still be called an earthling." - The Chicago Tribune
"Easily amongst the 7-8 best Hollywood productions ever made about a woman contemplating whether or not to sign a dominant/submissive contract." - Matt Singer
"An unashamed and genially preposterous fairy tale, a kind of Cinderella with restraints, 50 Shades is about as believable as Jack and the Beanstalk, albeit considerably more kinky in intent." - L.A. Times
"We may have all been curious going in, but by the time the credits roll, there's another question that springs to mind: Is that all there is?" - Lindsey Bahr
"It's too bad the movie imports [author E.L. James'] atrociously written prose and bizarre sexual politics, but then, no one buys a Fifty Shades ticket for the dialogue." - People
"Despite the endless sex, a highly unsatisfying encounter. Cold as a fish and almost as dumb." - Rafer Guzman
"Not sexy. Not cool. Not awful, but pretty bad." - OregonLive.com