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The Patriots will defeat the Broncos in the second round of the NFL playoffs this Saturday night. That’s just a fact, proven by this in-depth analysis of the teams.

Now, to continue with our game-by-game breakdown, we tackle (get it?!?!?) the Saints and the 49ers. Who will win? Find out now, based on the following, vital facts, stats and comparisons…

LOCAL DELICACY:
Saints: Gumbo
49ers: Rice-A-Roni
Edge: Saints

MOST LIKELY TO SEE ON THE STREETS OF THEIR HOMETOWNS:
Saints: Girl-on-girl action
49ers: Man-on-man hand holding
Edge: Even

FAN SUPPORT:
Saints: Who Dat Nation
49ers: People in Northern California care about sports?
Edge: Saints

MOST MEMORABLE SUPER BOWL MOMENT:
Saints: Tracy Porter’s game-clinching interception in Super Bowl XLIV
49ers: John Taylor’s game-winning touchdown reception in Super Bowl XXIII
Edge: Even

RELATIONSHIP TO REGGIE BUSH:
Saints: Employed running back when he dated Kim Kardashian
49ers: None
Edge: 49ers

THE VERDICT: This will be a close game but the Saints take two of the five categories, while pulling even with the Niners in two others. We can’t bring ourselves to bet against Drew Brees and the abundance of gumbo in New Orleans and, really, neither should you.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?