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On Laguna Beach last night, the cuties Rocky and Tessa renegotiated their relationships with their former exes before, during and after the junior prom; and Chase’s band actually gets signed by a major record label.

Yes, that actually happened. But as my wife astutely observed, getting a record contract does not make Open Air Stereo good.

And they’re not. It merely means the label believes it can move albums. Kevin Federline got a record contract, and Chase (pictured) and his buds will surely outsell that jackass by virtue of their Laguna Beach fame alone. So that’s that.

Now, down to business. The prom episode (which preceded the record contract episode) got us thinking. Rocky, bless her heart, really breaks the Laguna mold. Sure, she has her catty and moody moments. But she never plays to the camera like some of her bitchy counterparts.

When her repentant ex, Alex, suddenly morphed into Mr. Sensitive (despite calling her a f&%king slut last week, and retaining his lofty status as the worst communicator in history) and wanted to meet at the beach to reunite, she was more or less receptive to the idea.

“I want you back, plain and simple,” said Alex, clearly expecting her to weep with gratitude. And she was grateful. But (thank goodness), she at least said, “You don’t just get me back” and is making him earn it.

But she’s clearly under the spell. Rocky’s mom (we love it when parents make cameos on the show) told her, “There’s a lot of risk when he’s a boyfriend,” to which Raquel replied, “But I like the risk.”

Deep. Next we see Tessa was stringing fake flowers onto a volleyball net with Alex, an exercise that later revealed itself to be part of his prom-asking ritual for Rocky. As ridiculous as this prom-asking ritual is, it’s kinda cute that he’s trying so hard.

Now, something to snap us out of that happy mood: Kyndra. When Cami suggests that she wear red lipstick to prom, K replies, “I’ll just look like a hooker.” Cami’s reply? “No, you’ll look like a glamorous hooker.” Somebody stab us in the eye with a salad fork.

Lexie, not unsurprisingly, bailed on the prom and that guy Derek early to go to dance class the next day, thus teaching Derek an important lesson: Prom, like everything else in high school, will never live up to the hype. His first choice dropped him like it’s hot, but luckily, Derek and Tessa ended up kissing at the after-party, disappearing into the basement and all that good stuff. Jason Wahler would be proud.

Then it was time for the boys of Open Air Stereo to go through the motions of playing at the Roxy, which went fine, but let’s be serious. Bands just as good are playing gigs all over the country for nothing but a free round of beers and the chance to be on stage. These kids belt out a few mediocre songs, then get a magical phone call from Epic Records?

Yeah, right, and some girl from Laguna Beach can get an internship at Teen Vogue with no magazine experience. Oh wait. Sorry, Lauren Conrad.

Speaking of Conrads, LC’s younger sister, Breanna Conrad, makes us cringe. Not because she’s evil or bitchy or conniving, just because she’s so damn awkward. We like her… at least we want to. But the immaturity — even for Laguna — is off the chain.

Seriously, Breanna. Get a grip.

Then there’s Tessa, who’s also pining for Derek. We could literally see her eyes tailing Derek around the club from across the room. This girl is pretty and she is nice, too, deep down, but she’s desperate and pathetic. This is probably why all the girls rip on her so bad.

But seriously, Derek? This guy is so dull. Chase, on the other hand? Well, at least he seems like a normal dude. Clearly Tessa agrees.

“I don’t trust guys anymore,” she tells Chase, while, you know, casually hanging out on his bed with him looking ridiculously cute.

“I trust one person.”

Hit that!

What do you think of the latest Laguna Beach drama? How long will Rocky and Alex last? Why aren’t Tessa and Chase together? How are the producers going to wrap it all up on the season finale? And have you already pre-ordered Open Air Stereo’s debut album?